Friday, June 26, 2015

Citadel: The Bitch Stare

All right, then, all's well that ends --

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You are sent to go buy party supplies.

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I'm not even being clever, that's how this goes down. They cost a hundred credits!

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I have never figured out what the actual party supplies are. You get them from a bar, so maybe they're liquor, but they only cost a hundred credits, so that's some cheap fucking liquor. Besides, this is an M rated video game, Joker could have just said, "Yo Shep, go buy the shit to make us some Flaming Moes" and it would have been fine.

I first thought they were decorations, but Shepard doesn't wind up decorating the apartment, so.

We can, of course, go straight to the party, but some crew mates offer to hang out with us. If we go hang with them, we get various cute scenes involving the Normandy crew.

Some of these scenes I plan to go pretty quickly through, some of them I'm going to take my time on. Some are just more meaty than others! At first I was really worried about booking through these scenes as quickly as possible, but gee whiz now that I know Mass Effect Andromeda isn't coming until late next year, I think I'll take all the time I want!

The first one you unlock is one of the beefier ones. Let's go wait at the bar for Garrus.

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Stranger, what the fuck?

Oh my GOD they're ROLE PLAYING. What THE FUCK. This is nasty. I don't want to see this.

There's a lady turian checking Garrus out, but:

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I am actually in love with the fact that Shepard has a bitch stare.

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Garrus is so shitty at romancing ladies.

Actually, true story, if you and Garrus aren't together, this whole sequence is you trying to get Garrus and the lady turian laid.

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THAT'S the best introduction Shepard has? Christ, woman, talk yourself up a little bit. Something like:

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You've probably seen this, this is the famous Mass Effect tango sequence. It was used in the Citadel trailer and everything. It's actually not too bad. At least it's better than watching the sex scenes, animation-wise.

Here's the space tango music. They did a good job of making it sound like a space tango.

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Vega comes around creeping for some reason, but you know what?

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aww yiss BITCH STARE

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