The Collector's Ship: No, Really, This Can't Get Much Worse

Okay, so when we last left everyone, EDI had attempted to connect to the collector's ship, but found some kind of trap and wound up disconnected.

And sure, she can reconnect, but she needs time, and also Harbinger just rolled up, so we're currently dealing with that.

Life is pretty rad.

EDI can't help us out with the collectors AND connect to the ship, because apparently in the fucking future they still have Out of Memory errors. It's a fucking star ship built by the richest organization in the galaxy, but noooo, an extra gig memory stick, that's too much.

Luckily, EDI gets herself reestablished again.

Hooray! That's what we came for! Surely this won't get any more --

... hmm?

AWW HELL.

Miranda lays in the floor and has kittens if you bring her on this mission, it's pretty great. Jacob might too, but let's be honest, no one ever brings Jacob anywhere.

But, no, that's where we are in the plot: more or less, Brother Tim revived Shepard and tried to get her killed again. He's got reasons, and we'll talk about them later, I promise, but we need to stay that again: Brother Tim revived Shepard and tried to get her killed again. You'll start to quickly see that Cerberus has more resources than common sense.

Just then, Joker calls.

I mean, seriously, The Illusive Man, what if Shepard ate it a second time? Do you think maybe this time it would only take eighteen months because you've got practice or some shit? What do you do in the meantime, just let collectors capture all the humans? Maybe you oughta protect your investments, dog, that's all I'm sayin'.

Never mind the fact that he's an asshat, Shep and crew have to get the hell out before Shepard gets killed. Again. I mean, she's got practice dying and all, but still.

To slow you up, the game throws plenty of collectors at you, and of course, where there are collectors, there is Harbinger.

I always deal with him like any vanguard does.

Fuckin' love vanguard.

Right at the exit, the collectors unleash a praetorian on the crew. Now, this time when I played through, I just got out the collector's particle beam gun and dispensed of his ass in like 90 seconds, but the first time? I wasn't so smart. After five or ten deaths, I devised a very vanguard strategy that I'm still to this day proud of.

See, I'd just sit and take pot shots at him from across the map. But when he comes up close and personal?

I'd charge across the map at a random collector drone, beat the teeth out of the fucker, and enjoy the fact that the praetorian couldn't corner fast enough to come get me.

See, that's important to remember in multiplayer, too, vanguards need to use their extreme mobility to their advantage. But multiplayer's another topic.

Did anyone else notice I forgot Shepard's helmet? I don't want to go back and fix it, it would make the already shitty art even more jacked up. Just ... I don't care, she can breathe because of mass effects now.

Just kidding! No one will ever use the mass effect core for any reason! Because there is none. Because there are no mass effects.

NEXT TIME: Brother Tim's got some 'splainin.

Finally, The Finale To Horizon

Okay, in case you can't follow it that well, or you didn't pick it up from my delicate yet detailed artwork in the last post, or possibly you're just stupid (this is me), here's the skinny on what's going down:

Horizon was a colony of feral peasants humans in the terminus systems that was just kind of sitting around doing its colony thing until the Alliance came in, possibly wearing Captain America costumes, and installed a bunch of big ass defense towers. The logic there was that if the collectors came knocking, the colonists could shoot them out of the sky. However, the collectors saw the big ass defense towers, figured the colony was a threat, landed, took out the defense towers, and is currently collecting the shit out of some colonists. Whoops! Oh Alliance, you so cray!

But, if Shepard can get those towers back on line, she can unload a hot load in the collector's ass!

... a hot load of lead.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Look, this is Mass Effect, it's actually quite surprising that the final solution to the collectors isn't having sex with them.

There's some people out there that think Shepard's some kind of technical supergenius; I rather like the idea of her being something of a big dumb coconut.

Oh, but hey, guess who's calling!

saying nothing moving on

Oh, honey. None of us like being creeped on. It's quite surprising that Harbinger isn't rocking a neckbeard and a fedora.

So anyway, we now come to a battle between the speed of the DSL connection on the Normandy and Harbinger trying to keep it in his pants.

Oh, and Harbinger brought his best friend, the praetorian!

Even if Shepard does get Harbinger to fuck off, the collector ship toasts out of there, unharmed and full of colonists. GOOD MISSION EVERYONE, GOOD MISSION.

I'm only being a little bit cute, here. I think the actual in-game line is email, but no, that's what this portion of the game is, it is Spacebook drama.

Shepard says a really important thing here -- you'll notice, she doesn't understand that she was dead. This comes up in ME3.

I like bringing Garrus and Miranda on this mission for a wide variety of reasons, one of which is that you get four totally different viewpoints: Ashley, who's very pro-Alliance, Miranda, who thinks Cerberus is pretty rad and does a lot for humanity, Garrus, who's an alien and isn't going to like Cerberus no matter what they do for him, and Shepard, who wants everyone to shut up long enough for her to kill the reapers.

Right, I know, I could have done the same thing with Mordin and Jacob, but I like drawing Garrus and Miranda better.

(This is one of those fun scenes that can change around depending on how you interpret Shepard. I always thought Shepard wanted back into the Alliance and would leave Miranda cold in a heartbeat if she could, but some people think she's more chill with Cerberus than that.)

So, uh, time to check in with the Illusive Man. Shepard's in a good mood, though, so allow me to sum it up for you pictorially.

Okay, I've never figured this one out, but Brother Tim somehow lets slip that he lured the collectors and the Alliance to Horizon by leaking the fact that Shepard was ressurected. I have no idea how that works. Did the collectors (or the Alliance) think Shepard would specifically hit up Horizon first? I've watched the scene a few times, I've hit a few sources on the Internet, I've asked my husband, I can't figure it out. Either way, it's a good opportunity for Shepard to get pissed, so,

Then, Brother Tim drops an endgame clue.

Oh man! We'd better build our team!

I wonder if we have any extra team members just, you know, lying around?

NEXT TIME: Krogan bongs, which I hear are legal now.

Harbinger, With The Soul Of A Poet

Last time, on MSPixel: We defended a pumpkin!

Ha, no, but really, who else saw that on multiplayer halloween? Was that not adorable? I'm hoping some folk on tumblr screenshotted that. Shit, does that mean it's canon now that there's Halloween in the Mass Effect universe, celebrated globally? I always wish they made a bigger deal out of Janiris, but --

Okay, I'm being way too big a damn nerd. Let's just go back to Horizon.

Oh fuck, are we learning, children? Husks are helping collectors. Husks are reaper products. Do the collectors know the reapers, or do they just like buying reaper shit off of Space Amazon?

Also of note!

Le Team du Shep keeps finding these cocoons everywhere. Maybe the collectors spin them? They've got people inside. Gross.

So, Shepard's cooking through some enemies, as you do --

I'm telling you, give vanguard a go, you won't regret it.

You children savor this moment right here. In the next panel, I'm seriously about to commit Mass Effect sacrilege.

So, um. Yeah, hey.

The entity that keeps possessing random collector bodies is known as Harbinger, because he won't quit screaming about being the harbinger of our something something. It's important to remember that Harbinger isn't a collector, he just borrows random ass collector bodies to do his bidding.

So naturally his bidding is rolling up on Shepard.

Okay, I'm being at least a little cute here, but here's the thing? Not very. Harbinger loves parking directly up Shepard's ass and pestering her. In fact, welcome to our very first Harbinger boss fight!

He's a son of a bitch because he keeps possessing different collectors, but he does go down.

There's a theory that Harbinger is so interested in Shepard specifically because she defeated Sovereign, thus proving herself The Most Threatening Human. The game never really outright gives an explanation for Harbinger's motivations, though, so truthfully, my Tsundere Harbinger is probably just as valid. Or, hell, even more so given that we're playing an alien fucking game.

Everyone winds up ducking into a bunker to get away from Harbinger the Creeplord.

I have no idea why you follow this blog.

NEXT TIME: Perhaps less turian genitalia discussion.