Sanctuary: I Make Nerds Mad

I must have said this at some point, but I like to imagine what Shep and Company talk about as they go on missions.

It's also worth noting that I know next to nothing about Dr. Who.

Nor do I care.

So that's going on, Miranda's chillaxing in cover and Miranda's dad is all taking Oriana hostage.

... well, fuck, we missed out on Kai Leng.

That was, uh, the best way I could think of to show that I took the blue option. It sort of doesn't matter what option you pick, because:

... Miranda rolls up from behind and punks his ass out a window.

A plot hole for your consideration: Oriana and Miranda are genetic twins, ergo, Oriana should likely have been a biotic too. Right? Is that shit genetic? Even if it isn't, Miranda probably got her biotic abilities from her dad exposing her fetus to eezo. So if Oriana was grown to be Miranda's successor, shouldn't she have had the same exposure? Unless maybe she just didn't have a biotic amp.

Point being, you'd have to go through some gymnastics to get to a scenario where Oriana isn't biotic, ergo, she likely is. Ergo, she should have had enough power to just chuck Henry Lawson through the damn window herself.

Wow! That's so cool! Thanks Miranda!

"Hey, Bean, is there any other way this scenario can play out?" As a matter of fact there is!

Miranda can die here. Hell, she's very likely to die here. If she wasn't loyal from Mass Effect 2? She ded. If you were a dude and you did the do with her in ME2, but then didn't do the do with her in ME3? She ded.

Also, I remember specifically telling you that you have to talk to Miranda every time she wants to talk. There's three separate Miranda conversations that you have to get through to warn her about Kai Leng. If she knows? She's good, she lives. If you mess up and don't warn her, Kai Leng will pop her, and then she ded.

You'll be very glad she's alive in the next section. Hell, I'm just happy my ME2 homie's alive and well!

Another tracer? How dumb is Kai Leng? How has he not noticed?! This is probably what he looks like at this point:

... That ... that's Kai Leng under a pile of tracers.

No one promised you good art.

NEXT TIME: Don't lie, we've got one more DLC to go and it's the one you were waiting for me to do.

Sanctuary: Brother TIM's Master Plan

Last time we discovered that Sanctuary is crawling with the reaperized husks of the refugees that Cerberus lured there.

Garrus has a good point:

Speaking of, guess what we have to fight through waves of.

As we continue through Sanctuary, we find another terminal.

... did somebody fucking tape over the transmission or what's going on here?

There you go. If you can't figure out TIM's master plan at this point, let me spell it out for you: he thinks he can control the reapers. I'm not sure they ever elaborate on what. Knowing TIM, it's likely to destroy all the aliens, but I guess we could maybe hope for TIM teaching the reapers to tap dance.

The fuck, does no one keep video in Sanctuary for longer than thirty minutes?

Kai Leng! Kai Leng, you well-groomed bastard, don't do it!

We'll leave that line of thought alone until next time. For right now, we've got to ride a train to the tower. Please assume that it looks and sounds like this:

(Good Lord, I've never seen the music video for this. That's so delightfully appropriate.)

Sanctuary: Push Butan

But first, we've got to clean up two Thessia scenes. I bet Javik is a barrel of laughs right now, let's go visit him.

Well then.

I love this next exchange:

Tali tells us to go visit Liara in her cabin next, so let's make that happen.

... however, somehow I just wrote nothing about this scene down in my notebook. So, I have to rely on my memory.

Also I don't remember much. I'm not sure much actually happens.

And now, let us off to Sanctuary, to lop the balls off Kai Leng. EDI, read the wikipedia entry for Sanctuary to us.

So let us now land in Sanctuary. It's a refugee camp, but it's oddly tore up and empty ... ? That never means anything good.

You've probably noticed by now that every Mass Effect 2 broheim who doesn't join the main party gets their own sidequest. Miranda's a little different, her sidequest is actually part of the main plot line. This is because Miranda was hands down the best Mass Effect 2 character.

Speaking of Miranda,

... oh. OH. Dang, that never means anything good.

As we go deeper into Sanctuary, we find a pool that I guess the residents use.

Down in the pool, we come to a strange facility.

NO ONE PROMISED YOU GOOD ART

There's minimalism and there's what I do.