The End: A Rough Landing

So the Normandy's in space, running from ...

... I have no idea what that is. Is that the same thing going from mass relay to mass relay? If it is, why the hell is it targeting the Normandy? If it's not, what is it?!

... something's wrong with that image.

I'll leave it to you, though.

The, uh, space thing? The space thing makes the Normandy, um. Explode?

And thus, the Normandy crash lands.

People start getting out of the Normandy:

Y'all buckle your seatbelts, I'm about to yell a lot.

In the original ending, in destroy, EDI popped right out of that ship like nothing happened. And people said, "Wait, if all the reaper tech shut down, how the hell is EDI still alive?"

So Bioware cut her out of the extended cut, but I refuse, REFUSE to let them off the hook. Just because she's not in the cut scene doesn't mean she's not there. And anyway, if all the reaper tech is shut down, how was the Normandy still flying? It should have just hung in space.

There's a third catch to this that we'll get to, but let me reiterate: the space child is a lying little shit.

The second person out of the ship is always your love interest.

The third is always Javik.

It's supposed to be the squadmate that you had the highest 'friendship' with, but I've never found a good definition for what 'friendship' was, and anyway why in the world wouldn't mine be Liara? Every time I play this game, there's Javik, right in the ending, climbing over Liara to get out of the ship.

I suspect this part is bugged.

This is a fight that I have more with Mass Effect nerds than Bioware. Prove that they didn't crash land on Earth. You can't. They're in Brazil. Fight me in the parking lot.

London: EDI The Unfailing

It is worth noting that I am actually worse at Geography than art.

At a small diner in Cincinnati:

While that horse shit is going on, let's check in on London.

So what was it that they were supposed to be defending, anyway?

This:

(Did that bother anyone else? Hey homie, you been in all three games and also you narrated every time Ken Burns took a squat, we know who you are.)

After mowing down eight or nine of those, this goes down:

Alright, EDI, shoot them reapers!

Dem missles! This is happening!

Light that reaper up, EDI!

Yeah okay so those missles just sailed right the FUCK over the reaper's head.

sing it shepard

London: I'm'a Yell

"Bean, what an unusual title for a blog post! What ever would you yell about?" Oh, you know.

It's just time for me and my favorite character to be total bros.

She's made of reaper tech, you know, she probably could!

I dunno, it's the final destination of a video game, so I'm guessing the odds aren't bad.

I mean, we all know that the real answer is,

But Shepard gives some sort of stupid non-committal answer instead, something like,

"Aww, Bean, I'm sad that this is the last time you'll yell about synthetic life." Ha hahahhahaHA, naw. You wait.

And I'm not saying that because Andromeda is full of robots.