I Wrote Around That Scene, No Worries

So there's this reaper, and he's just chillaxin' --

Wait, we got all the hammers dropped, right? What's that do for us?

Oh, right! Sup, Kalross!

Reaper taken care of. Let's move on.

... so ...

I'll tell you a story. I was spoiled for this scene before the game came out. I usually don't mind spoilers ~that~ much? But what comes next is a massive spoiler that legit ruins the moment. Hi, I'm the only person on the Internet that didn't bawl their eyes out when they saw this cutscene.

I can't. I just can't. Besides, I promised when I started this, I'd avoid big spoilers, right? So what do we do?

We write the fuck around it, like so:

And so?

The genophage is cured, and everyone goes home safe and sound. As far as you know.

Hi, everyone! This happens in the game. This is the end of the scenario.

Aren't you all glad I didn't draw that.

Run To The Hammers

I think I remember this being the first line in one of the first trailers ever shown for Mass Effect 3.

Point being, we're looking at the shroud, we're about to cure the genophage, but first? We've got to catch a reaper. How do you do that, anyway?

Hahahahahaha shit.

Okay, fine, let's --

What follows is probably one of the most insane portion of video gaming you'll ever care to play. The only thing I can think of that's more nuts comes later in Mass Effect 3.

See, the reaper? He's totally not going to make this easy.

And how do we take care of reapers?

... nah, not this time. This time, your best bet is to run like hell.

See, because the reaper's going to try to step on you.

And also it shoots lazers.

And also it spits sharks.

Not really, but it might as well.

Please imagine this playing while we go after the hammers.

Finally, once both hammers are down:

NEXT TIME: Kalross!

The Cave Of The Ancients

(FFS, I accidentally had this set to post at 5:30 PM. Sorry I'm a dingus, enjoy today's entry.)

You can, actually, choose to not tell Wrex and Eve about the dalatross' deal, but ... I mean, why? I'm pretty sure that if it's war assets you're worried about, curing the genophage actually gives you more war assets.

The hell?

DAMN YOU GOOGLE MAPS no, but really, how'd they not know about that beforehand?

Shepard calls Victus to let him know.

You know what kills me? That may as well be the exact quote. Victus is legit just like, "COULDN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF ME CHARGING FULL SPEED THE FUCK AHEAD."

One of Victus' guys crashes right into the busted road, isn't that charming? Good going, Victus, good going. Shepard gets on her comm and yells at people.

I know it's my job to explain this shit? But I can't explain this shit.

Liara finds a cave nearby, so instead of following Wrex, Eve and Mordin, they all dive in the cave.

... cute.

So, let's keep going --

Fuck! When the krogans name a fucking thresher maw?! (If you needed a refresher on what a thresher maw was.)

Anyway, there's not that much more interesting in the caves --

Okay, NOW there's not that much more interesting in the caves, so we exit.

#goodsigns