Legion: The Heretics

... I stayed up too late last night playing Animal Crossing.

Fuck me, what am I saying? There IS no "too late" for Animal Crossing. Is that ghost guy in New Leaf?

All right, let's do Halo. Dragon Age. The fuck game is it that I'm MSPainting again?

Shouldn't that be a push-button-everyone-dies sort of operation? Damn, Legion, step up.

Don't feel bad, Shepard, I had no idea what Legion was talking about either.

All right, so the geth apparently don't have fiber optic cables I guess, so Shepard and Tali are stuck fighting while Legion plays peggle works on the heretics.

The game gives you a shooting gallery, which is great if you give a shit about sniping. The idea is that you're supposed to guard Legion and not let any geth up the ramp.

My vanguard ass just kind of impotently throws pull into the crowd and hopes.

Legion can hack turrets for you, and Tali's got Chiktika of course, but as is, you almost have to let the geth come up the ramp and almost get to Legion before you can charge/punch.

See, because if you charge?

The game will block you. I guess maybe that's glass there?

Legion, honey, shouldn't you decide that yourself?

You can tell him that, but it refuses to choose. It gives some reason, but the real reason is, I'm sure, "You're the lead character, jackass, play the game."

Okay, stay with me for a second.

BUT BEAN THAT ISN'T THE PARAGON OPTION!?

You're exactly right. But the renegade action sets you up better for ME3, so we're taking it. I have no idea WHY this is the correct answer, but Bioware says it is, so.

If you think about paragon in terms of good/bad, this makes no sense. Why would the 'good' or 'moral' option be to brainwash the heretics? But renegade is technically supposed to be 'fast, damn the concequences', so it fits better with that definition.

I am going to shave this MSPixel a hair short, because of yesterday's special edition MSPixel. I've MSPainted so much these last two days that if I mspaint one more thing I may die. Literally. I will die of MSPaint.

But next time is gonna be special!

NEXT TIME: An entry that was actually requested! Somebody asked for this shit!

Heretic Station

Today's entry is a few hours late because I am literally a huge dumbass who forgot to hit post.

So anyway, let's check in with our pals on Heretic Station.

Legion has a drone too, by the way.

Kay, so, Heretic Station. Hey, what's all this green glowing shit on the floor?

Ah. Stealth mode. You know what this mission makes me think of? Here, I won't even change the art this much:

But if we were going to list "games that borrowed shit from Ocarina of Time," we'd be here all day.

Here's the funny thing about this mechanic: let's say you stealth your way to the door.

Legion makes it sound like the goal is to avoid the geth, but it doesn't do any good. You have to kill them, and killing one is exactly like stepping on a tile anyway. One of you will tell me you go all James Bond style and turn on tac cloak or invisibility or whatever. I think this is the more elegant solution:

There's a cool mechanic in this area. Every so often, you'll come up on a turret:

Legion can hack the turret, since it's a damn robot and all, and make it kill guys.

Finally, we come up on a large room filled with stacks of hard drives. Hey Legion, the hell is this?

NEXT TIME: vanguard don't snipe, okay?

Tali and Legion are Best Friends!

Holy crap! Hello and welcome to the 100th MSPixel post!

Let's celebrate with a hot cup of coffee! The normal kind, not the GTA kind.

You ever notice that no one uses the little coffee maker on the Normandy? Thankfully I can fix that through the magic of MSPaint.

... someone must be using it, you always see coffee next to Shepard's terminal in the loading screens, but you never see it used.

Real quick, for anyone out there who forgot, quarians made geth, geth uprised (uprose?), threw the quarians clean off Rannoch. The fact that Legion exists, much less inhabits the Normandy, pisses Tali right the fuck off.

Husbando and I sing, "Tali and Legion are BEST FRIENDS! Doin' all the shit that BEST FRIENDS DO!" like an 80s theme song, it's great.

You probably figured out that we've got one last loyalty left to do. EDI needs time to install the IFF, so let's see what Legion has to say.

True fact, Legion describes the virus as a floating point error in the game.

Anyway, can't have the reapers joining forces with any more geth. Let us get a team together.

AI hacking is nice, and her drone is useful, but I mostly bring Tali along to be a dick.

Joker, get us close to the Heretic Station!

...

You know? This always made me wonder:

I mean, if they're just computer programs, do they really need a physical ship? It's not like SimAnt, SimLife and SimTower are all cruising around the galaxy on a frigate.

Meanwhile, if I could ever get SimLife working on a modern PC? Holy shit. Holy shit, I'd do nothing else.

Let's get inside that station!

NEXT TIME: we'll actually get something done plotwise