Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Bye, Jacob! Time To Drink.

Quick! Evacuate the children in the facility!

 photo bry16_zpsd719f4a3.png

I don't think Bioware's ever spoken to real children.

So the A A guns are back online, tearin' Cerberus new assholes like they were meant to do.

 photo bry17_zps110a2aa3.png

 photo bry18_zps117369c8.png

 photo bry19_zpsbacf44e4.png

 photo bry120_zpscb18e1d2.png

So Cerberus storms the facility. By now, you're probably familiar with Cerberus battles: start with the little guys, beat the teeth out of the combat engineers, and charge the atlus at the end.

 photo bry21_zps3ab78bfb.png

Shepard gets her shit eaten in a cut scene, but thankfully Jacob's there.

 photo bry22_zps554dab1e.png

"Man, Bean, that's totally cray how fast you wrapped that up," you say to your computer.tablet/smart phone screen (with great effect). "It's almost like you have another event that you wanted us to see and needed the time to do it in."

Yes, actually, because I unlocked another crewmember scene! I actually forgot about this one, so that's good times:

 photo bry23_zpsabad9151.png

 photo bry24_zps8991f757.png

 photo bry25_zpsb5cfb48b.png

"Bean, you're making shit up, Chawkwas does not do that in the game." You go to YouTube and fact check me, that happens in this, The Horniest Game.

 photo bry26_zps42436699.png

This happens, in game. I might have fallen out of my chair laughing. Smooth, Bioware. Very smooth.

 photo bry27_zps8cf49d8a.png

... I'd be amazed if any of you all remembered my Shepard's first name.

 photo bry28_zps7935f72e.png

 photo bry29_zps62d29dfd.png

Honest to hell, Porkbun is my default name for any given Shepard. Leopard is another good one.

 photo bry30_zpsc594a2a6.png

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

It's Jason!

 photo bry1_zpsf8b1ddf7.png

You know how long it's been since I've been able to make up my own opening comic?

 photo bry2_zpsc83587b8.png

You know this happens, like, every damn morning on the Normandy.

 photo bry3_zps5a1b94ee.png

 photo bry4_zps9020a8e6.png

 photo bry2_zpsc83587b8.png

 photo bry3_zps5a1b94ee.png

 photo bry5_zps984925d2.png

 photo bry2_zpsc83587b8.png

 photo bry3_zps5a1b94ee.png

 photo bry6_zps2d92e345.png

Anyway, Samantha Traynor found a distress signal from some ex-Cerberus scientists. Let's go see what's going on there.

 photo bry7_zps0e9cd5f9.png

Oh! That's why!

 photo bry8_zps6a33f161.png

Everyone welcome Jason Jacob to the stage! That's why Cerberus is after these scientists, because Jacob was a squadmate in Mass Effect 2 and we needed an excuse to visit him.

 photo bry9_zps8f9d7726.png

"Wow, Bean, you sure made Dr. Brynn Cole look a whole shit ton like Samantha Traynor!" Did anyone promise you good art?

Nah, but freals, I tried, but the main difference between Cole and Traynor is that Cole is for some reason shiny as fuck. I think they wax her. It's not something very conducive to MSPixel's, uh, low resolution.

Oh, and also, wave hello to Dr. Cole.

 photo bry10_zps70595734.png

 photo bry11_zpsc55afe13.png

I missed this line of dialogue (it's seriously like half a sentence), and had to go look it up, but it's almost not important. They were looking into communications between reapers and collectors, and trying to make a device that humans could use to talk to reapers.

I mean, Shepard talked to reapers all the time in ME1, like legit on the daily, but naw, Brynn's going to make a reaperphone, y'all. RING RING RING RING REAPER PHONE.

Anyway, scientists started disapearing and shit, so Jacob decided to protect them and they hid at this facility.

 photo bry12_zpse0f41b50.png

Before you go, though, go talk to Jacob in the infirmary. He says a bunch of unimportant shit, and also,

 photo bry13_zps8c18eb26.png

Yeah, he gets with Brynn even if y'all did it in ME2. If you did him in ME2, you can come on to him here, and it's not creepy at all.

... I swear there's a weirder path through this conversation, but I can't find it on YouTube.

Let's go fix those guns.

When you get to the panel, you can pick a squadmate to fix the gun panel for you.

 photo bry14_zps864c6605.png

 photo bry15_zps5382db31.png

GARRUS VAKARIAN: exactly as useful as a real man

Friday, April 11, 2014

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

They don't make words for how wore I am (too many late nights at work, kids, it's not a good look on you), but how could I pass up today?

Happy birthday, Commander Shepard, greatest of all video game heroes!

 photo bir21_zpsd058e962.png

 photo bir22_zps72fa867a.png

 photo bir23_zps8f59e8f2.png

 photo bir24_zpsa5fe8fb6.png

If you needed more birthday nonsense.

Friday, April 4, 2014

BY THE WAY

I thought I had my MSPixel path all plotted out, but actually starting up the game made me realize that maybe I don't. So, I'll let you all pick what we do next:
  • My original plan was to go on and do one of the DLCs. I can do that next if you want.
  • -OR- I got two sidequests unlocked that I didn't expect. Without spoiling anything, the asari high command needs us to check out an asari monastery, and we have to go rescue some defecting Cerberus scientists.
We'll get to them both, I'm just not sure what order to do them in, so I figured I'd put it up to a vote.

Also, seriously, if anyone knows how to unlock the remaining squadmate scenes that I'm missing, please let me know! I suspect it's based on how many missions you complete?

It's That Sort Of Scene

We must talk about today's opening scene.

 photo rsc1_zpse3b7f705.png

I am terrible, if there is a spoiler on the Internet, I read it. I tried hard to resist when Mass Effect 3 was coming out, but I am me, and so, I found one.

Specifically, on Youtube. I ran with my iPad into the living room, eager to share with Husbando~.

 photo rsc2_zps3494b981.png

But something came over me.

 photo rsc3_zps7a91b482.png

 photo rsc4_zps1a000b79.png

 photo rsc5_zpsd778285c.png

I fell to the floor, laughing. I couldn't get up. I couldn't breathe. Husbando~ nearly called the paramedics, that's how hard my fit was. But, finally, I was able to screech one word, one single solitary word that let him know what was going on.

 photo rsc6_zpsf90d7464.png

 photo rsc7_zps9f61870a.png

The following is the scene I found on YouTube.

 photo rsc8_zpsbe78e94b.png

 photo rsc9_zps588fa9d6.png

"Bean, there is no way that this goes where I think it's going." This goes where you think it's going.

You know this isn't even the horniest scene in the game?

 photo rsc10_zpsdc43c5c2.png

You also know that you can see her shower? I'm not drawing it, enjoy your MSpainted censorship.

 photo rsc11_zps82c7711b.png

... which is one way to resolve the shower scene. What's the other way? Hey, let's dig up that YouTube video I found so long ago:

That really really truly happens. Also yes, Shepard joins in in her clothes. Even her dress blues, if that's what she's wearing.

I'm going to avoid the shower now, because banging Traynor in the shower locks in her romance, and that significantly reduces the number of alien sex jokes I get to make. If you blow her off, you get a scene where Traynor and Shepard play Space iPad Holo Chess instead.

 photo rsc12_zpsde209f32.png

Shepard can't play chess, it makes my heart soar.

Also, I am not even lying in the slightest, the scene really truly ends this way:

 photo rsc13_zps102efc5d.png

After the Citadel coup, certain squadmates will have specific scenes pop up where you can go chillax with them. That was Traynor's. I had a few more pop up, so we'll look at them today.

... I seem to remember them all coming up at once, but on this playthrough, I only got three to come up. I know Garrus, Ashley and Liara at the minimum have ones that I haven't unlocked somehow? Advice is welcome.

But hey, Diaba Abers needs to see us!

 photo rsc14_zps54db2b0d.png

 photo rsc15_zps7aeda05a.png

Look, I don't know, you can fuck Diaba at this point. Does she even know how to have sex? I imagine it looks a lot like this.

I think Diaba Abers stays clear of the shower, though. Hey, someone else is calling.

 photo rsc16_zpsb4aad3e8.png

Bwahahaha, you all wish.

Nah, but frealsies.

 photo rsc17_zps32fba0f2.png

 photo rsc18_zps7b0f49fd.png

You know? Paragon Lost came out way after Mass Effect 3, I'm surprised they reference the plot of it so much.

 photo rsc19_zps15b3e389.png

 photo rsc20_zps858604a3.png

 photo rsc21_zps3ad7d382.png

and then i grind my teeths

Next time:

 photo rsc22_zps84db165c.png