London: Four Hundred Balls

So anyway, now we come to Liara, who is, um.

This scene is nice because it's delicate. I doubt Bioware would ever say so, but I think Liara is their favorite, and you can tell by the way this scene is written. Among other things. Like the fact that Liara got her own entire DLC. But anyway.

Liara's not my favorite, but I do love that she's Blue Lucca.

Aww, shit, Liara, you haven't done The Thing since Mass Effect 1. You go right ahead.

So what does Liara show you?

I'm ... not sure. It's just this. Is it supposed to be the beginning of the universe? The end? I don't actually know.

I seriously would have preferred a cheesy clip show. They could have done a Final Fantasy vocal track over it and everything, it would have ruled.

Actual screen shot from Mass Effect:

seems legit

Anyway,

As we go along, we find Wrex on the mount talking to the krogan troops.

Oh my GOD let's go running toward Javik.

A Favor, MSPals

Follow me on a journey.

When I was doing Mass Effect 2, any time a story began on the Normandy, I was able to do these little introductory comics of just general quality-of-life stories on the Normandy.

Now Mass Effect 3, that game mostly takes place off the Normandy, so I didn't get to do them as much.

But I miss them! Since we just completed Cronos Station, would you all ... would you all be cool if I just took an entry and played on the Normandy for a bit? It might be my last chance.

Honestly, there's much more Mass Effect after this, muuuuuuuuuuuuch more, but you do understand what's next, right?

Anyway, let's go.

I thought this was where the sex scene was, true story. I still think this would be a better place for some Bioware brand bangin.

"How to draw a scuba mask on a Prothean," and other problems that the Bioware art team doesn't have to solve but I do.

Oh man, remember in Mass Effect 2 when Joker would watch porn in the cock pit? Good times.

Not drawing porn! I mean, I draw Mass Effect all the time and that's basically porn, but still!

Enjoy that censor bar.

oh my god the face on chawkwas

In certain conditions, you can get a scene where the dudes of the Normandy gather to play poker. I didn't get them, but enjoy this anyway.

It's also possible that I don't know anything at all about poker.

... something about Mass Effect universe characters sittin and chillin with a little X Files.

NEXT TIME: it begins

The Name Of The Boat

Please allow Shepard to accurately summarize my feelings toward this section of Mass Effect 3:

Yo so the first time I saw this scene, I was like,

Because this shit can happen:

Because sex boat.

But good news, if you're doing the do with either of them, they thankfully just reminisce instead.

So hey, guess what activates if we go into Shepard's cabin!

I was wondering if I could make that shot work. I, uh, couldn't.

Granted, I can't make any shot work.

The nice thing about the Garrus sex scene is that Bioware didn't animate them having sex. The others ... sorry, those are two computer generated bodies of polygons rolling around. (Can you tell I don't play Bioware games for the love stories?)

Last time I went through and showed you what we didn't win, but here's the thing: all of these scenes are, uh, real damn similar. I love Mass Effect 3, but it needed more dev time. The sex scenes are one area where you can tell Bioware was rushed.

Still, here's our not-Garrus sex pals:

Liara plays with Shepard's helmet a bit.

Kaidan drinks. I frequently forget about Kaidan.

Traynor's is the best, but we'll have to revisit it. You'll see why.

Really, I could start subbing anyone in.

Wanna get weird?

Let's go.