Citadel: The Big Reveal

So, let's go to the place where the bad guys are and rough them up real bad!

Bioware knows how it goes down. Shep et all bomb the top of the building and dive on in.

A fight ensues, and it goes okay, until it doesn't. The Normandy crew finds themselves captured.

ey yo

There's your grammar lesson for today, if you were worried.

Shepard's day glow hair is one of my favorite MSPixel jokes and I don't get to do it enough.

Anyway, wave hello to Clone Shepard, kids.

There's one thing I've always wondered about Clone Shepard:

How much of a clone are we talking, here?

I am genuinely shocked that Bioware didn't include a scene where Clone Shepard came on to your love interest.

Unless I guess your love interest was Thane OHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIT

Citadel: The Fattest Crew I Know

Good morning. I've had the week from hell at work, so I'm going to enjoy making comedy for you today. That's how I'm going to look at it.

You know what? Bioware should take a moment to furiously masturbate self-congradulate here. They did make one of if not the best video game casts ever.

Even if you could name a better ensemble of characters in a video game, you'd have to acknowledge the Normandy crew in, say, the top ten. You give these kids a decade and they'll be Ness/Paula/Jeff/Poo style iconic.

I apologize once again for the fact that I'm a total dickwad. How come calling someone a fatass is the highest compliment in the Mass Effect universe?

You guys? You're all fat as fuck and I love you. <3

I was trying to remember the title of a specific game for that joke, but then I realized I was trying to remember the name of literally every video game that Japan has ever produced.

Hey, EDI, what was that analysis?

... oh fuck off, EDI. We almost got our ass kicked for that?!

Glyph rolls in and proves that EDI is a shitty excuse for an AI.

Citadel DLC: Ocean's Shepard

Last time on MSPixel, we ... well, that happened. Anyway.

So, after changing into that humiliating short ass dress, we're allowed to choose our date for the casino. You can actually pick Wrex here, which is hilarious, but instead I'll dance with the girl I came with.

So there's this red carpet scene?

Everyone else loves the red carpet scene, I get second hand embarrassment from it. It's pretty bad.

One of the complaints about Mass Effect 3 was that there weren't enough romance scenes. Some people wanted a dating DLC where you could actually go out and do stuff with your significant other. No, really, and they were gonna pay money for it, too. Like, JFC, either get a real date or discover An Archive Of Our Own.

I like the romance scenes, but if it's not obvious, I don't have a high tolerance for overly scmoopy crap. I think what Bioware gave us was a nice compromise.

Liara says to mingle with the other casino patrons to look natural. Get surprised, Shepard's not a not a mingler.

Eventually, Brooks figures out how to slip into the casino's panic room.

The contacts make the wires glow colors.

Oh, and also it makes your eyes glow green. I'm glad we were worried about being conspicuous.

Brooks will sometimes call in and give you a little mini mission.

Of course, being a video game and all, you then do the mini mission.

One time Garrus does it, which is ... weird.

When you finish, Shepard will call Brooks.

Anyway, off to the panic room with us!

I'd like to take this moment to congratulate Khan for being the one motherfucker in the 2180s who uses a desktop instead of a space iPad.

There's this big static-ey screen overtop that lights up. You know what? I think I see -- you know what, never mind, that's likely my bad art.

.... annnnnnnnnnnnd Brooks is the only one trying to earn her paycheck today.