MSPixel: Okeer: Oops.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Okeer: Oops.

I don't think we've discussed Ken and Gabby, the engineers who keep the ship running.

There is a reason why we have not discussed Ken and Gabby.

I mean, I got no beef with Gabby.

I just utterly hate Ken. Probably more than Kaidan.

I know I lifted that joke more or less clean from the game, but it's hard to come up with sufficient original material to explain what an utter bastard Ken is. If it has a vagina, he's trying to dip his wick in it. He's gross. Gabby's mostly there as a foil. She's got no real personality of her own other than "not an utter horn dog".

Ken has a Scottish accent, because why would you have a space ship without a Scottish engineer? I love you, Bioware.

So we got two more folks to pick up, one of which is Dr. Okeer, a krogan warlord doctor guy. Let us, then, to the war torn planet Korlus.

This mission is weird to play as a paragon, because -- well, let's just play.

Shepard comes across a merc on the ground.

Okay, sure, medigel. That's pretty paragon, right?

I can't see the text on the screen very well, so I just keep picking the "up" options. That's the most paragon way to play. Let's pick the next paragon option and --

Um. On what planet is that paragon? You know what, maybe this will get better with the next --

DAMN GURL

Okay, 'paragon' and 'renegade' isn't straight good and evil, I get that. But shit, that wasn't "for the greater good"! You notice he never got that medigel either?

More important, we've now learned that there are mindless krogan soldiers running around that need to be shot. Wouldn't it be something to come across one of these bad boys?

Oh, hey!

You must know that pink armor in the Mass Effect universe is a thing. Ashley's default armor in ME1 is pink. You can get any character to wear it. You can run around with a Garrus And Wrex Totes Fab Pink Brosquad if you want.

Anyway, the krogan informs Shepard that he's a week old. Shit! And he's fully grown? Someone must be doing some science or something for this to be going on, I guess? I bet the baby krogan has a totally rational explanation for why --

Or he just stands around and says trippy shit until Shepard backs away.

Luckily Shepard backs away right toward Dr. Okeer.

(God damn it, doesn't everyone have some kind of problem?)

Meet Jedore, our lone obstacle in recruiting Okeer. She's the one making all these krogan in ... uh, bongs? Tanks, more likely. But they got out, and now she's trying to get the sitmo under control.

How the hell did they get out?

Suddenly, Jedore comes over the loud speaker.

Plot twist! Okeer's guilty! Here, let's go save the bastard.

I'm not going off topic, just stay with me for a second. How many of you have wondered what my Shepard actually factually looks like? I understand that the MSPaint rendering is so detailed that you want for little in that department, but still, maybe I could give you a better idea. You know, for the 0% out there that wondered about it prior.

See, here's the thing.

My Shepard looks damn close to Jedore.

It's unintentional, obviously, since I imported her from ME1 back before there was a Jedore, and even then, why would I pick a minor character? The troll factor of making her look like Miranda or Kelly or something would be too awesome.

You'd have to wipe some makeup off Jedore for her to be a closer match. I don't put makeup on Shepard, I can't imagine putting on your face and then going and gunning down some Blue Sun mercs. Still, it's really freaky damn close, enough to give both me and my husband pause every time we play this mission.