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This is a cool documentary about the fire temple in Ocarina of Time. I liked it. You should watch it.

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Sanctuary: Brother TIM's Master Plan

Last time we discovered that Sanctuary is crawling with the reaperized husks of the refugees that Cerberus lured there.

Garrus has a good point:

Speaking of, guess what we have to fight through waves of.

As we continue through Sanctuary, we find another terminal.

... did somebody fucking tape over the transmission or what's going on here?

There you go. If you can't figure out TIM's master plan at this point, let me spell it out for you: he thinks he can control the reapers. I'm not sure they ever elaborate on what. Knowing TIM, it's likely to destroy all the aliens, but I guess we could maybe hope for TIM teaching the reapers to tap dance.

The fuck, does no one keep video in Sanctuary for longer than thirty minutes?

Kai Leng! Kai Leng, you well-groomed bastard, don't do it!

We'll leave that line of thought alone until next time. For right now, we've got to ride a train to the tower. Please assume that it looks and sounds like this:

(Good Lord, I've never seen the music video for this. That's so delightfully appropriate.)

SATURDAY POST: Amiibos

Everyone shut up because I love amiibo pictures.

When I first heard about amiibos, I thought they were a neat idea and I kind of wanted one. Now I have two and I'm madly in love with them. It is time for pictures of my precious baby children.

... I tried to get all arty. I'm not sure it worked. I might try again when it's actually green outside.

Anyway, I madly love Link, and I've never had a Link toy before in my life (despite wanting one), so having a Link amiibo is hugely fun. Here, have another one with his buddy:

Zelda's actually the first one I had. I love her more than I thought I would, too. Also she is a stone cold bitch in Smash. Link plays like me, that is, he wanders around and doesn't get shit done, but Zelda will fuck you up nine ways from Sunday.

Husbando had to get his favorite Nintendo character too:

Isn't he cute? Hey, who wants a family portrait?

so nintendo~

JFC I want more. I'm trying to only get the ones I super super love, though. I will admit, I have a Shulk on preorder just to see whether or not GameStop cancels it. Ey, you know what? I had a feeling about Xenoblade when I preordered it, I think preordering Shulk makes good video game collecting sense.

The one I'm most excited about is Robin. I really want Lucina too. Also, my nerd heart needs a Ness. I need some US retailer to put up preorders already so I can throw too much money at them.

I'm having an internal debate about Toad -- I really wanted Captain Toad, as is, I'm not sure about a non-ranking Toad. I want Villager too, but not badly enough to pay out the ass for the little bastard. I'm secretly hoping that when Nintendo makes an Animal Crossing, they'll make a girl Villager. Relatedly, I will pee on buildings for Isabelle.

Ey yo, if you've got amiibos, send me a picture in the comments. Or, just tell me who you have (or who you want.)

Sanctuary: Push Butan

But first, we've got to clean up two Thessia scenes. I bet Javik is a barrel of laughs right now, let's go visit him.

Well then.

I love this next exchange:

Tali tells us to go visit Liara in her cabin next, so let's make that happen.

... however, somehow I just wrote nothing about this scene down in my notebook. So, I have to rely on my memory.

Also I don't remember much. I'm not sure much actually happens.

And now, let us off to Sanctuary, to lop the balls off Kai Leng. EDI, read the wikipedia entry for Sanctuary to us.

So let us now land in Sanctuary. It's a refugee camp, but it's oddly tore up and empty ... ? That never means anything good.

You've probably noticed by now that every Mass Effect 2 broheim who doesn't join the main party gets their own sidequest. Miranda's a little different, her sidequest is actually part of the main plot line. This is because Miranda was hands down the best Mass Effect 2 character.

Speaking of Miranda,

... oh. OH. Dang, that never means anything good.

As we go deeper into Sanctuary, we find a pool that I guess the residents use.

Down in the pool, we come to a strange facility.

NO ONE PROMISED YOU GOOD ART

There's minimalism and there's what I do.

Shepard Gets Mad

"Bean, you're lying, Kai Leng doesn't really email Shepard to gloat." Oh it happens.

"Bean, you must be exaggerating, it surely must sound more mature than what you've got there." You're going to learn some day that I make very little up, and then you're going to get sad.

Point being, the asari councillor would like to space skype with us.

... yo, I'm not sure how future etiquette works, but I think "your planet is fucked and you're all gonna die" is a message best delivered in person ... ?

At least Shepard's not going to space text that one.

I think we're supposed to believe that this is the first time Shepard fucked up. Except ... how did she fuck up? She didn't get the data, but it wasn't her fault unless maybe you count being so damn fat that you crack the floor to a millennia old temple.

Real talk, if the asari wanted to keep their planet and their species, they needed to play ball way the hell back in Mass Effect 2. If they had The Data That Could Make Everything Work, the time to bring that up was when Liara brought it up to them. Maybe they could have saved Earth and Palaven. Maybe when the reapers came around to Thessia, there would be human and turian troops at the ready.

But naw, you don't get to not play nice and then keep all your toys. I don't feel sorry for the asari, not even a little bit. Eat reaper laser you nasty shits.

Anderson also calls.

FUN FACT: From this point forward, 50% of Anderson's lines at least are about being born in London.

And now, welcome to one of my favorite scenes in the entire game.

I love it so much when Shepard is pissed. Usually there are bodies involved.

... has anyone ever seen Liara broke a shadow? I cannot name one time in the entire Mass Effect canon where she provides intel. Children, consider who I am: not only did I read the books, I took notes on them and drew them. If Liara ever did a shadow brokerey thing, I'd know about it.