Mass Effect Foundations: Weiner Jokes

Okay, here are my life plans:

• An act of Mass Effect
• A DLC
• A piece of media
• Repeat until we run out of Mass Effect acts
• The ending of Mass Effect, may Christ have mercy on all of us

Meaning, we've now reached the "piece of media" portion of my life plans, and now, before we go check on the Normandy, we'll take a brief interlude into the world of Mass Effect Foundations.

... I have no idea why it's called Foundations. I'm not sure why most of the Mass Effect: Subtitles have the subtitles that they do. I'm still mad that Retribution had no retribution in it. I wouldn't know the media apart if I hadn't, oh I don't know, outlined, rewrote and storyboarded every scene from them for my shitty art blog. I don't know how the rest of you handle it.

Foundations takes place in between Mass Effects 1 and 2, and each one focuses on a different Mass Effect 2 character.

I'm willing to take suggestions, by the way, but I'd prefer to stick to the issues that are more relevant to the overall Mass Effect plot. Zaeed and Kasumi are cool but they don't have a lot to do with the final solution to the reapers.

We're starting with Foundations issue #5, published November 27th, 2013, and written by Bioware Poet Laurete Mac Walters. It opens with a Cerberus agent named Rasa talking to Brother TIM, but don't worry about her for the time being. Instead, let us now go to a bar on the Citadel, where we find:

Ta da! Jacob isn't interesting enough to carry his own comic, so the poor bastard has to share a comic with Miranda.

By the way, if you ever get the chance? Look at one of these Foundations comics. Like, an actual copy, not the MSPixel horseshittery. The art's really bad. I mean, I know who I am, I know what I draw, and I'm still saying it, the art's bad. Jacob has some kind of porn goatee or something.

Anyway, Miranda works long and hard to convince Jacob to join Cerberus.

OH WOW OH DAMN

See why I picked this one over some of the others?

Jacob and Miranda go to Miranda's space ship to make some plans.

Does this not drive anyone else bananas? Everyone gets mad that you can see Miranda's breasts, but Jacob's wing wang is just, like, on display.

Miranda and Jacob jet off to the Terminus systems to collect information.

Miranda might be talking about her meeting with Liara in Mass Effect Redemption. Isn't that neat?

Anyway, Miranda and Jacob talk to a kid and get chased by someone, which causes Miranda to realize:

This ... this is not Mac Walter's writing opus.

NEXT TIME: oh no did miranda die how will we ever figure this out