Eww, Gross!

But everyone who read Mass Effect Evolution could have already told you that.

As they go through the facility, everyone comes on a giant ass turret.

Welcome to the cover tutorial! This is how you play the cover tutorial:

Fuck cover in this game. It doesn't work. Thankfully, I play vanguard!

What the hell with this scene? Anyway, let's see what Ashley's up to.

Wait, what the hell? Is Cerberus turning humans into husks to use as an army? Who the hell saw that coming?! Besides the smart, sexy readers of MSPixel, that is, because we went through the media.

... someone's going to wail on Ashley for being mad at Shepard, but she kind of has a point. I never felt like Bioware gave a strong enough reason for Shepard to not just give the finger to Cerberus in Mass Effect 2 and march off. I think she has one line back in ME2 about needing the resources Cerberus has, but ... like ... that's a major plot point through two games. You don't give it one line.

Also there is literally no reason for the Illusive Man to not get pissed off, grab Shep at the end of Mass Effect 2, and reaperize the fuck out of her. He did it to Paul Grayson, and he liked Paul Grayson!

I love it whenever Shepard acts. Saving the galaxy is no big, but sounding natural on a microphone is hard work, y'all.

If you thought the same thing when Shep et all hit the Prothean archive, we could party.

Okay, watch this, this is some quality shit.

So yeah, Brother Tim shows up in a hologram, but did you notice? Liara pulls heat on a hologram! Doesn't she have a doctorate? I'd expect that shit out of Shepard, but come on!

HEY, THIS SHIT IS IMPORTANT: Most people lock themselves out of one of the endings right here. Here, let me help. The game's going to flip you to a dialog choice.

I have no idea what the right two options are, but it doesn't fucking matter, because you're going to pick the left option. Shepard and Brother TIM will argue a little more.

This happens, I am a shit, ect.

Okay, so, the dialogue wheel will pop up again.

I Xed out the shit on the right, because you're not picking it. You're only allowed to pick blue or red.

You have to blue or red option TIM every time he shows up to get the good ending, if you were wondering.

... as good as any of the endings in this game are OH BURN OH FUCK.

NEXT TIME: Shepard quite literally brings about the end times.