A Metaphor

We now join Shepard and Brother TIM bitching each other out, now in progress.

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Ashley's reward for doing Shepard's fucking job for her is Core beating the teeth out of her. Damn, that's legit hard.

Oh my GOD this picture looked 1000x better in my head. I could say that about literally every MSPixel drawing, but this one especially.

Anyway, Core punches out a console with her omnitool.

FUCK. FUCK. That's probably a thing, fuck!

She's uploaded the Prothean data to Cerberus! SHIT. We're done for now!

Core begins to run off.

You guys, chasing Core as a vanguard is a joke. All you do is wait about 20 seconds and hit charge, then wait again. You really don't even have to use the left stick if you don't want. All y'all who play sentinel are feeling really silly right now. (Ahem, husbando~.)

So Core hoofs it to a Cerberus shuttle, and --

-- can we talk about this scene for a second? I know it's seriously early in Mass Effect 3, but this is one of my favorites. Look at it: every character is a girl. The leader is a girl, she's got two girl sidekicks, the bad guy is a girl, whole nine. It's also not a plot point or anything that they're all girls, they're just all girls and it ain't a thing. You can't name me a moment in scifi that's like this one particular moment.

... you know, the Lifetime channel is trash, but them doing their very own space ship show would be cool.

Core's getting away! Fuck! Whatever will --

... is that Vega? Is that fucking Vega piloting that shuttle? And did he just crash into the whole of everything?

Ladies and gentlemen, a metaphor. Thanks, Bioware.

I fucking hate James Vega, I swear.

At least Core's a burning husk now, so hey.

WHAT THE HELL

Core's alive? Fuck! All her human parts have burnt off! Core was never human to begin with, she's a fucking robot!

Core kicks the shit out of Ashley, since that's pretty much her hobby now. Actually, I think that's what she lists as her occupation on her taxes. She comes after Shepard, but Shepard at least has the time to draw some heat:

There's some glitch here if you're playing New Game +, something about the game giving you a gun that can't shoot Core in time. I don't know what it is, one of you will correct me in the comments.

Anyway, I've got a theory about the Mass Effect Story: Joker doomed the galaxy to extinction in Mass Effect 2, but Shepard, right here, signs the paperwork in one line:

We'll talk later. Shepard grabs Ashley and they all scoot off to the shuttle to escape, right as some reapers land on Mars.

... if the secret to beating the reapers is ON MARS, why the hell didn't the reapers reap Mars FIRST? Why did they even bother with the other planets? All they had to do was fuckin' eat Mars or whatever it is they're doing, THEN go after the other planets.

Actually, if I was going to fuck up the galaxy, I'd probably reap the Citadel first. Or Thessia. Not fucking Vancouver. Who the hell is the strategist for the reapers?!

Anyway, let us now to the Normandy med bay, where we can find Ashley's mangled remains.

Did this scene not kill you guys?