Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Derelict Reaper

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The Mass Effect universe seems to pretend that everyone's equally competent with technology. Do you really think so?

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... I mean, come on, Thane's like a hundred. You know he's rocking some sort of omnitool Jitterbug.

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(Thanks for sticking with me while I couldn't post last week. Would an extra long entry today make it up to you?)

Wasn't there, like, some kind of plot going on? I know there's a third DLC, we'll take it on later.

If you'll remember, like eight million years ago, Brother TIM told us that we could go raid this derelict reaper and get the IFF, which will let us go through the Omega 4 Relay and then get to the Collector Base which we'll then destroy. It's okay, it's hard to forget that while we're fucking sex vampires and watching turians shit.

So anyway, let's roll up to the reaper.

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Holy raw shit why do you all even come to this blog.

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That's the plan! Good work, kids!

Still, let's go looking for that engine core. Oh, and the IFF.

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This place is raw crawling with husks. It isn't a problem for a vanguard, though:

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Particularly one with area pull. The recharge on pull is so fast that it's nothing to just light every husk up and float them off.

There's this one ramp in this level that you can just stand on top of and cast until they all die, and they come right when pull recharges, same interval. It's pretty rad.

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No, really, one of your squadmates will call out "Sniper!", listen close for it. If you've got a sniper rifle on your person, you can actually look around and see the mystery sniper.

But who the hell is it? Obviously it's not Garrus, he's the one standing around yelling about it, and Miranda can't snipe, sooooo ... ?

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... that too, Garrus, that too.

(Networked intelligence means that geth get smarter when they get closer to each other, like they can use the other's processors over wifi or something. I have no living clue why the quarians thought that was a good idea. That's how they lost an entire planet, I guess.)

Fuckin'a, we've got a smartass talking geth running around, and we're trapped on this reaper until we bust the engine. At this rate, we'll never find the IFF --

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... they just leave it out in the open?

Well. Huh. Okay, then. Let's go find the engine and blow it up then, I guess.

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The geth takes down the barrier just as the husks take him down. I guess geth don't train in hand to hand combat.

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True story, the first time I played this sequence, the game glitched and I got Shepard stuck. What did I do? Easy solution.

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Meet the Cain, the heaviest weapon in the game. It only carries two shots, but both of those shots are tac nukes, capable of taking out, say, an entire reaper core, even if, for example, your game is all glitched out and Shepard's stuck in one place.

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PS, Star Trek 12 is awesome, go see it this very instant.

Let us now go to the Normandy Conference room. I heard Miranda and Jacob have something to say.

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NEXT TIME: A character you will like better than Jacob.


  1. I don't dislike Jacob. He just makes me really uncomfortable because I hit on him once and he shut me down so hard I was embarrassed to enter the armory for weeks.

  2. Ohmygod you're back
    (Is this what Shepard's crew felt like when he/she returned from the dead..?)