Kasumi's Thirteen

WELL? How the hell was this scene not awkward as hell?

Okay, so, Kasumi and a dressed Shepard bust into Hock's vault. He's got a bunch of art pieces in there, but --

...

Stop looking at me like that.

...

Damnit, I mean it, stop with the puppy eyes.

...

OKAY FINE. This is a serious art blog, I'll try and recreate some serious art, but you are legit going to regret this.

Do you see what I mean? I just rendered Michaelangelo's David as a triangle guy in MSPaint. I should be shot.

But it is in Hock's vault. I love how the cock apparently broke off by the 2180s. Would you not hate to be the fucker who broke off David's cock?

More likely, Bioware just wasn't going to render a dick in their game. Shirtless chicks? YES. Actual human genitalia? NO. Even better, as we progress, we'll find out that Bioware has no problem rendering both nipples and the entire female genital area. Female genitals? YES. Male genitals? Bioware has standards, and BY GOD they stop right at penises. That's just over the line.

Y'all remember finding those on Ilos? Oh, children, the nerd tears, they will soften my skin.

Hey, wait! Let's fire up the screen shot machine again:

Is that not rad as hell that Hock has mass relay statues in the background over there? Rad as hell.

(I'll post some screenshots later today of Hock's vault, it's really visually interesting.)

Anyway, eventually, we come on to:

So then Hock comes on over the loud speaker and projects himself into the room as a hologram.

If you've never played this portion, this picture probably makes, like, no sense.

Okay, this is a true story: as I was drawing, I thought to myself, "Wait, Bioware's Canadian, why the hell would they have the Statue of Liberty in Hock's vault?" They Canadaed it right the fuck up in ME3, so why the hell the Statue of Liberty?

So I got on Google and tried to find the name of some famous Canadian statues, but you know what? Here's a fun fact for you, Canadians don't have, like, landmarks. Or national symbols. Except maybe the maple leaf. That's why I have Shepard screaming about Prime Minister Wayne Gretsky there, because Canada has so little else. (I'm American, I'm legally required to make fun of Canada. Legally.)

Hell of a derail, let's get back to shooting.

Hock sends like eighty five zillion guys after Kasumi and Shepard.

Eventually, Shepard and Kasumi get out to the landing pad. However, Hock's got one last ditch effort: he's gonna pull out his gun ship.

Y'all try and hate on my aerial acrobatic drawing skills. Y'all try.

On the shuttle, Kasumi opens the gray box.

What follows next is Kasumi diving into a virtual world to see her dead partner Keiji's last gift to her. It's visually stunning, so please, allow me to shit it up with my rad MSPaint skills.

Whoa, hey, what the hell did Keiji stumble on?

The only information the game offers is something something Keiji, something something Alliance, something something reapers. I don't know how or why or what, I'm hoping one of you can straighten me out in the comments. If you held a gun to my head, I'd bet that it was the same deal that Kahlee Sanders discovered at Sidon, but that is pulled from the deepest recesses of my ass, so.

But ... the gray box. What do we do?