When you left me last time, I had lost my mind and written Dragon Age/Mass Effect crossover fanfiction. Let us now come back to the Citadel and witness the hell I have unleashed upon the world.
Do you love my store doorway? You love it, quit lying.
I won't spoil it, but I went and read the ending to Dragon Age. Then I read it again, because I could not fucking believe what Morrigan suggested as a solution. I cursed the heavens for Bioware and their horny ass story telling, then went and told my husband, who cursed the heavens for Bioware and their horny ass story telling. I don't think the overall story of Dragon Age is quite as horny as Mass Effect, but when it tries to catch up to its Blue Lady Fucking Simulation cousin, it tries HARD. You know you can get a scene where your characters have a foursome for the hell of it?
You know? Let's run screaming back to Dark Star.
I promised I'd talk more about the Joining, didn't I? The short version is, this guy named Duncan hands you a cup of blood and you drink it. If you don't die, then you're a grey warden! But this is Mass Effect, no reason we can't just sub in ryncol.
that is supposed to be a closed fist i'm sorry i suck at paint
Let's catch up with Alistair.
The Citadel's reservoirs are mentioned in the game, but you never get to visit them. Thankfully, through the Magic of MSPixel, I can lovingly render them for you in glorious high definition.
This happens in Dragon Age.
This happens in Dragon Age. I need you to know this.
This is really truly a game mechanic in Dragon Age, you let your mabari piss on stuff. It raises his stats. Pee strengthens your mabari.
I apologize for the fact that you had to see a varren piss today.
Let's end this before I do something really awful.
There's one last staple of Bioware games that I left out. You surely didn't think I forgot, did you? It's the most important part!
Had I gotten far enough, I was so planning on doing Leliana. I'm almost sad I didn't, really.
NEXT TIME: Hey let's play The Old Republic Actual real Mass Effect.
I don't know if Mass Effect is really hornier than Dragon Age... in DA you can have sex with your LI (repeatedly) every time you go back to camp. The cut scene only plays the first time, though.
ReplyDeleteCompared to that, Mass Effect is a total tease.