Are You There, God? It's Me, Grunt.

(Do you not hate this? This happens to me all the time.)

That's not a horrific galaxy map, if I do say so myself.

By the way, that does happen in game, you do get penis enhancement emails. Why? Because this is the horniest game they make.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make it worse.

I apologize.

mspixel.jpg, right there.

OKAY, so THAT'S going on the Normandy decks?! Fuck. Who knows more about krogans than another krogan?

EDI, set a course for Tuchanka, we need to talk to Wrex. Wrex, fix our krogan!

Fuck. My. Life.

No, this is what's happening right now. This mission could have been anything. ANYTHING. Like, looking through old krogan ruins, or something to do with the unique flora and fauna of Tuchanka, or ... hell, I'm just pulling this shit out of my ass. If I were, I don't know, a professional writer that was getting paid for this shit, I could probably do better.

But nope. Nope. This is what we went with, because Bioware can't get their hands out of their pants, is that our little Gruntie Boo is growing up and getting hair in weird places and popping boners at inoppertune times. I always wondered if Jack had to lock herself in the bathroom during this sequence.

Do you remember a long while back when I said that there was a point when the writers said, "Fuck it, fuck everything, we're going full tilt horny, here we go, dicks out and hearts full!" Here it is. Right here, pop, from this point on, pretty much everything we're going to be seeing has some sort of sexual tint to it. Hell, it's mostly alien sex, because this is a sci fi story, and if you're not having sex with an alien, you're having sex with a -- well, y'all just wait, we'll do that one too.

Since it fits in with the theme, I'm going to repost a comment Care made on my Biowarian mess last post:

I don't know if Mass Effect is really hornier than Dragon Age... in DA you can have sex with your LI (repeatedly) every time you go back to camp. The cut scene only plays the first time, though.

Which, GDI, I did not know that.

Either way, there is only one correct reaction to all this horse shit.

NEXT TIME: I reconsider my life choices.

I should have MSPainted Ice Climbers. Ain't nothin' sexy about Nana and Popo.