Kasumi's Eleven

Sometimes squadmates can suggest improvements to the Normandy. You know, because fucking Jack and Grunt have degrees in space engineering.

Sometimes I let my husband pick what mission we go on next, and he's been begging for Kasumi forever because he is madly and unabashedly in love with Kasumi. So I'll give in today, and we'll go on Kasumi's mission, and maybe this will ease the ache in his soul caused by not being able to bed Kasumi.

Those are jokes, of course. He's already informed me that he's leaving me for his asari infiltrator from ME3 multiplayer. I can't blame him, everyone wants the blue.

Kasumi and her loyalty mission are both DLC, and Bioware, out of the kindess of their hearts, decided to throw in a casual outfit that Shepard can wear around the Normandy. Which, aww, thanks Bioware. Of course, Bioware worked it into the mission too.

Mr. Shepards get a black space tuxedo. I think it looks too plain to be any fun, but I am The Only Person On The Internet to hold this opinion. Miss Shepards?

You are free to skip the next paragraphs if you can't take me talking about Space Culture.

I'm being a little cute in my drawings, the dress isn't that short. Knee length. Esque. It is, however, the only dress in the galaxy that is that length. Every female in the galaxy wears floor length dresses. Go look on the Citadel, tell me I'm wrong!

Why? Really, it's so Bioware didn't have to render legs and feet. It's a pretty good programming trick. I have a sneaking suspicion that asari are the dominant species in the galaxy in part because it means less feet for Bioware to render. Hell, go look at Dragon Age, it's the reason all the men in that game wear big ass robes.

But, if we are to assume death of the author, then everyone in the galaxy wears long dresses for some sort of cultural reason, and Shepard running around with her calves exposed looks weird at best and scandalous at worst.

Another good point: every one else in the galaxy wears super bright colors. Why is Shepard in black? Really, she's in black because Bioware couldn't reliably predict what colors would look good on your personal Shepard, but then we assume death of the author and it is a shitty mess.

Would be a semi-rad dress in this time period, though.

So Kasumi briefs us in her own little shuttle ship as we fly to the mission site. Hey, Kasumi, what are we doing?

... I have a treat for you children today. I was able to get my (shitty) screenshot software working! Which is good, because this next thing? I'm not fucking drawing it! I'm fucking not!

Okay, so. We don't address Male Shepard a lot, because why would you even, but he exists. What Bioware usually did in ME2 was render something with Dude Shepard, and then shove Girl Shepard in for him. You can see it in scenes where Shepard sits down, because both Shepards sit with their legs wide open.

But this scene, there's a shot across Shepard's chest, and if you're Guy Shepard it's not a thing, but Girl Shepard ... I'm not fucking drawing it, just look at the screenshot.

God fucking damnit, Bioware. See, and if I had drawn that, you wouldn't have believed me, but there it is.

Let us run screaming back to my shitty art.

Which, amazingly, is not a metaphor for an old vagina. Good on you, Bioware. Still doesn't forgive the tit shot, but we're making progress.

Hey, Kasumi, give us a voice over and tell us what the plan is.

Easy! Let's go greet Donovan Hock and see what he's got for us.

REALLY. REALLY NOW. Well, sure, why not.

NEXT TIME: More of that fucking dress.