Enough shilling. We've got a mission on Illium, so let's go!
There's all sorts of incidental dialog I'm powering through.
And this is a true fact, this dialog? I never even got it until this play through. I'm not sure why it never came up before.
And this is a true fact, that is how quarians masturbate.
We're doing this.
This is no longer parody. This actually happens.
This is the horniest fucking game. The Japanese are jealous that Canada made such a horny ass game.
Anyway, we need to get Samara. (Quit laughing. I know this isn't leading us down a less horny path!) Liara tells Shepard to talk to an asari detective on the station, so:
Justicars are kind of like asari monks. They've given up their worldly possessions and families to travel about the galaxy righting wrongs and otherwise being super heroes.
Ummmm, but, they usually only stay in asari space. It's totally weird to have one leave the Thessian area.
Also they're, like, stupid deadly, like "make Saren look like a teletubby" style deadly.
Illium has many aliens on it, such as that quarian who just sits around and publicly masturbates what the hell, and the Illium police have no idea what the hell Samara will do when faced with an alien. If she kills one, they risk a cross-species political shitstorm.
Why is The Illusive Man bent on getting Shepard killed a second time? You'd think he'd maybe want her to live long enough to at least get through the Omega-4 relay, but apparently not.
Anyway, we're whisked away to a crime scene, a murder crime scene! Actually, doesn't Shepard murder people every day? The woman can't take a leak without leaving a pile of bodies, why's this murder special?
Meet another asari detective, and the volus Pitne (pit-ney) For, who's partner was just murdered. I mean, the guy was likely murdered doing something illegal, but a murder's a murder, unless that murder happened to be at the hands of Shepard, in which case no1curr.
Okay, this aside is dumb as hell, but there's a turian standing around the murder scene wearing a hat.
HE IS WEARING A HAT. How rad is that! Look at that damn hat. How do you not love a turian in a little hat?! It should be a santa hat.
Okay, sorry, this is a vry srs art blog, let's get back to vry srs art.
(See, if the detective detains Samara, she's keeping Samara from her Official Justicar Duties. How would Samara get out? Yup.)
... I can't be funnier than the original dialog here, moving on.
Anyway, to find Samara, Shepard is allowed in the crime scene. It's cool, there's a little laser DO NOT CROSS tape that you get to walk past.
And why is that?
Samara's recruitment is stupidly long, we're going to have to cut it short here. NEXT TIME: we'll actually find Samara.
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