Citadel: Lockin' and Poppin'

Hey, everyone! Let's go back to the Citadel and get all those reinforcements that Udina promised! Then Shepard and buddies will be able to go to Ilos and beat the hell out of Saren with all those reinforcements! YAY REINFORCEMENTS!

You have probably figured out by now that this whole reinforcement thing is not going to happen.

So Shepard goes to meet Udina and the Council. The Council's involvement is your first hint that this reinforcement thing is not going to happen.

So the Council's all like, "Hey, good work Shep! We've put troops at every mass relay to keep Saren from coming in to our space systems!" (Mass relays let people jump from space system to space system. They're powered by mass effects. Once again, I'll say, "Mass Effect" is a colossally stupid name for this game series.)

And Shepard's like, "Okay, but reinforcements."

And the Council's all, "Okay, but no."

See, that kobyashi maru scenario pops up again: Ilos is in the Terminus systems, and the Council is afraid that sending anything out there: Shepard, Shepard + Reinforcements, anything might start a war between the Terminus Systems and council space.

Shepard, I hate it for you, but old boy's got a point about the nuke.

Shepard tries to tell the Council about the reapers, but they don't buy it. Udina freaks the hell out, kicks a puppy, and suggests that they lock the Normandy out so that Shepard can't do any more Sheparding.

I mean, it's a political move to show that Shepard != humans, but still,

It's like the one renegade option I take in Mass Effect 1.

So, they bitch at each other a bit, allow me to sum it up pictorially:

So Shepard goes back to the Normandy and cools her heels for a bit. If you tried to get in Ashley/Kaidan/Liara's space suit, they'll come and have a scene with Shepard where they ~almost kiss~ and it's ~so romantic~. If you play ME1 masturbation style, like I do, you get a quick scene with Joker.

Huh! Off to Flux. Flux is the bar on the Citadel that doesn't have hookers. Ta daaaa.

So anyway, errbody roll up to Flux, takes in the shitty beep boop music, and finds Anderson alone at a table.

That's what happens, too, Shepard and Anderson sit down at a table and your two squadmates just stand there and look awkward as hell.

And also, if I can be a huge nerd for a second, seriously skip this paragraph if you can't take me being a huge nerd, what the hell is Anderson wearing in this scene? At first I thought it was some sort of muscle shirt, and I was like, hey, Bioware, that's awful nice of you, I mean I can see how Anderson could be old hot and all, even though I'm not gonna lie I'm a little weirded out by this whole ordeal of thinking of the guy like that well anyway this post just got really fucking awkward, but then I saw that it had straps and shit on it, so what, is it a totally black set of Alliance fatigues? Why do they make that? No other character wears those. You do not see any character ever wear those ever again over any of the three games. It tasks me.

Anderson's got this plan, see: he's going to pop the locks off the Normandy and send everybody sailing off to Ilos. Sure, he'll be left back at the Citadel guilty as the living sin, but he's chill with that.

He gives you two choices as to how he springs you, but seriously, there's only one correct answer.

I did not make a moment of that up. Udina's in his office, chillin' and updating his spacebook page or whatever, and Anderson comes in and cold cocks the guy in the face before jacking his computer and typing really hard.

Somehow Anderson types the thing that unlocks the Normandy, so we're off! NEXT TIME: Ilos, and maybe someone will get some ice for Udina.