Friday, August 24, 2012

Homeworlds 2: Tali

I couldn't decide whether or not to do Homeworlds or Ascension next, but I've finished reading Homeworlds and I haven't yet finished Ascension, so that solves that right quick for us.

Homeworlds is a collection of comics about a handful of the playable characters in the Mass Effect universe, giving us a little bit of background on who's in our party. Each issue focuses on a different character. We're doing issue two first, because issue three contains Mass Effect 2 spoilers and I'm trying really hard to be chronological, issue one contains Mass Effect 3 spoilers and also is about a character that I hate with an undending passion and I'm trying to avoid them for as long as possible, and issue four? Comes out in a few days, so I haven't read it. Solves that nicely.

Issue two is about Tali and the events leading up to Mass Effect 1.

PLEASE tell me you remember all the shit about a quarian's pilgramidge. Remember? Back in this entry?

Wait, shit. I never actually said what one was, did I. Fuck. Okay. Real quick: Upon turning 18 years old, a quarian leaves its original ship in the Flotilla to go out into the wide wide galaxy and explore. They're expected to return to a new ship in the Flotilla with some sort of gift for the fleet -- food, supplies, information, anything useful. The captain then welcomes the young quarian back into the Flotilla with open arms.

A quarian who hasn't gone on their pilgramidge yet is Whatevertheir'nameis nar Shipname. Tali's full name is Tali'Zorah nar Rayya because she was born on the Rayya. Once Tali brings back her stuff to a new ship, she'll become Tali'Zorah vas Something, something being whatever her new ship is. Even if you haven't played the next two games, I'd bet cashmoneyrecords you can guess what her name ends up being.

Tali's dad is a big shot guy on the quarian Admirality Board, so she's expected to bring back something AWESUM. So she's cruisin' along the galaxy on a ship with her buddy Keenah'Breizh.

Photobucket

... okay, I have no fucking clue how to draw a dude quarian. Their helmets are a little more narrow. I tried, but it doesn't translate nicely into the ~delicate rendering~ of MSPaint. Y'all gonna hate my ass when we get to Kal'Reegar.

Anyway, their ship picks up some geth activity on a planet below. Hey, geth parts! That's the kind of shit that would REALLY impress a ship captain! Naturally, Tali jumps right on down to the planet.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

Shit! We just got some file totally implicating some dude named Saren of some bad shit, and then we got shot at! Oh mean, there's a head scratcher. What's going on?

Once back on the ship, Tali's able to listen to the file and look at it a little closer, what with the absense of bullets whizzing past her helmet and all. Apparently this guy named Saren, he's totally a Spectre, right? He ordered a geth attack on Eden Prime, a human colony. But that's silly, what series of events would possibly cause Saren, a turian, to hate humans? Still, that's a Spectre doing bad shit. Tali figures that she and Keenah should go to the Citadel and let the council hear the file.

I love how at least one person out there thought I was being flip about Sarenistotally100%guilty.mp3. No, that is really honestly seriously Mass Effect canon.

Photobucket

Photobucket

Photobucket

That last picture, by the way? Is totally accurate. There's a sniper on an upper ledge of the balcony of the Citadel firing in broad daylight on Tali and Keenah and no one even blinks an eye. Everyone's just all, "Tut tut, it looks like bullets," and goes about finding their favorite shops on the Citadel.

The fuck, was C-Sec all out at Chora's Den right then? How in the hell does that get past anyone?

But it does, somehow. Tali and Keenah hoof it through the Citadel. Even though Keenah gets grazed by a bullet, Tali manages to drag him to a trash chute, which they dive through.

Photobucket

Photobucket

(Sorry kids, Keenah bites it. Quarian immune systems can't handle gun shot wounds.)

Photobucket

Photobucket

Do you remember me saying something about Tali being an incredibly capable character?

Photobucket

Yeah. She presses the incinerate button and lights the sniper on fucking fire. Get it, gurl.

Tali winds up in the care of Barla Von and Dr. Chloe Michel, whom you likely remember, and gets checked out.

Photobucket

I hope no one's holding their breath for me to MSPaint Kingdom Hearts, by the way, because that shit is not going to happen.

NEXT TIME: Sea salt ice cream. WAIT. NO. FUCK.

No comments:

Post a Comment