Samara: Morinth

Okay, like any good Mass Effect nerd, I've been playing through the Citadel DLC, and without spoiling anything, can I say?

• HOLY CRAP THIS THING RULES.
• There is so damn much content. I'm going to be drawing Mass Effect for the rest of my natural life.

Also before we get down to business: husbando is having trouble beating collectors on platinum for the weekend multiplayer challenge, anyone game for helping him? His XBL name is Jean Sibelius. No, really. Pop him a message, he plays in the evenings EST.

Anyway! The next portion of this game has Shepard running around in whatever you set for her casual outfit.

This is a true story, I always have Shepard in the Cerberus coat. She's the captain, that's what captains wear! But I always forget and have her run around this section of the game in full on Cerberus regalia. It's pretty damn funny.

People who actually think ahead put Shepard in the Kasumi dress, I guess hoping to bag Morinth by showing a little leg?

I did several drawing tests (I practice drawing so I can be this bad, are you not heartbroken now?), but every time I tried to draw that coat, it looked like Shepard was half floating while wearing a white apron. Hey, so, who likes the Kasumi dress? Let's wear the Kasumi dress.

When you get into the VIP section of Afterlife, you'll be tasked with wandering around and poking into people's stuff, seeing what you can do to catch Morinth's attention. Shepard's got a few options, so naturally we'll do the funniest ones.

You pretty much have to talk to this jackass, though. WHY does Shepard look like she has tickets to anything?

In possibly the most beloved sequence in Mass Effect 2, you can approach an asari and dance with her.

If you pass the paragon check, Shepard actually kind of dances well enough for a white person. If you don't?

There is nothing that I can draw that's as funny as the original. Here's a video, go hog wild.

You can also approach a turian and a dancer:

Let's review: a giant space cricket dinosaur bird is trying to proposition a blue woman who can mind sex with people and nothing weird is going to happen. Mass Effect.

Love this sequence with lady Shepard.

Eventually:

oh holy shit that's how i draw a seasoned sex murderer i should be shot

The game puts you in a booth with Morinth. Shepard has to put some moves on her to try and get her alone in her apartment.

I mean, the right answers are pretty easy to pick out, but failing this out is hilarious.

Right, but back to business. Morinth will ask about shit like music.

Something I've always wondered: people get cray over Shepard's sexuality. I guess it's a combination of "you can choose Shepard's sexuality" and "the fucking Internet will get pissed over every single thing it comes across." I've always wondered: if you pretend Shepard's a straight lady or a gay man, does this section play a little weird? I always wondered how people justified that for their own personal Shepards. It never bothered me that much because legit it's a fucking video game I always pretended my Shepard was bisexual, and now we all know a little too much about the little headcanons I make up so I'll stop typing.

NEXT TIME: Everybody wants the blue!