Husbando~ Vs. RPGs: Final Fantasy VII

OKAY LISTEN HERE BEFORE WE START BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT: This is easily the filthiest, most NSFW MSPixel ever. I'm not kidding, some awful shit is about to go down. This is your warning.

That being said, at E3, Square Enix announced a remake of the ever classic Final Fantasy VII. I've played it, Husbando~ hasn't. He asked me, several times:

I'm not kidding just go ahead and smash that X button up top, just close the hell out of this window.

If you're really going to stick around, then I guess I can draw the Honeybee Inn sequence of Final Fantasy VII for you.

Ironically, I think you could legitimately argue that MSPixel's art is on par with the lego people in the original PSX/PC game.

Okay, so. Cloud and Aeris are chilling in this playground in the middle of the Midgar slums, right?

Fight me, it's Aeris.

Aeris and Cloud search all through the slums, and finally come across someone who's heard of Tifa.

oh my

That is, by the by, The Honeybee Inn, Midgar's premier whore house.

But we're not here to sight see, we're here to grab Tifa. Let's go to this Don Cornero's mansion you speak of.

You go through a few sidequests to get some cosplay materials for Cloud. Like when you go to a bar to hunt down a dress maker.

Or when you go to a gym to beat a guy in a squat contest for a wig.

I'm not sure why Square thinks that the only people in gyms are ripped half naked men bearing women's wigs --

... actually, yeah I do know that, and you do too. This game was made in 1997, and this shit used to be considered funny. Particularly in Japan, but it's not like the US was innocent. I don't want you to excuse Final Fantasy VII, it's still wrong as hell, but remember that this garbage did exist.

We can, of course, go straight on, but your chances of getting to Tifa get better when you get more stuff. There's a weird sequence where you're supposed to get something out of a hotel vending machine and you're supposed to think it's a ~condom~ but if you have any familiarity with this game, you know for damn sure that that's not why you and I are here.

Look on the ground, you can see a membership pass, and you know exactly where we're going with it.

Mass Effect is currently jealous.

The Honeybee Inn has several areas. Some, you can only peep in.

You see what you think you see.

There's a couple of places you can choose to go. In one room, because of plot spoilers, Cloud gets overwhelmed and passes out.

The following actually happens, hand to God.

There are other rooms you can choose, you know!

Like this one!

This happens!

Either way you go, you get this garbage:

By the way, there's no way to get the bikini briefs without being raped. You just get to choose whether or not you want to be conscious, and how many wieners you'll be facing.

After Cloud gets non consensually penetrated, Aeris dresses him like a woman, because why wouldn't you, really.

Okay, good, now to go to Don Corneo's to see if he'll choose to bang Cloud. Again, after all the rape.

Here's the bad thing about MSPixel: I suspect that there's a bit of believably lost when I draw this shit for you. At least one of you, for example, probably thought I was being colorful with the above sequence, went and looked it up on YouTube, and then discovered that no, that was even actual dialog that I stole.

So I could draw Don Corneo's basement rape dungeon, but I've already stretched you a bit thin, so instead, please enjoy this screenshot.

You'll learn one day that I really don't lie.

Look, we were a year out from Ocarina of Time, there wasn't much else to play.

still a classic, still gonna play the hell out of the remake