Mass Effect's Ending: I Want More Information

I swear in the original cut I remember Anderson's face (and two other faces that we'll get to in a second) flashing on the screen when the Star Child referred to the endings. It isn't in the extended. I don't know if I'm misremembering or they took it out.

In the extended cut, Shepard can ask the Star Child to expand on each ending that he introduces.

So sure, what the fuck, explain this train wreck.

Do you see the hole in the Star Child's argument?

Bioware has actually come out and said that they did not expect people to import saves -- particularly from across all three games, but even from ME2 to ME3. You more or less have to import a save to get peace between the geth and the quarians.

... so on the one hand, I see why maybe they thought that the Star Child would think like he did, but on the other, Bioware did not plan for this inevitability. Nerds to Bioware: ey yo, the variables have changed.

... actually, that's a pretty good plot hole right there, the Star Child should have been deeply aware that something happened to Carl. Maybe he didn't give enough of a shit to investigate?

Oh thank you, I need some clarification on this. Like, why won't this melt Shepard and make her all crazy like Brother TIM? Or, what good does controlling the reapers do? Is she just supposed to drive them into a black hole? Why is that any better than destroying them? Does she control them forever, or just, like, fifteen minutes? Or --

REALLY?!

Mass Effect's Ending: The Conflict

Well, Shepard, every story needs an antagonist, and since Mass Effect is effectively a superhero story, the reapers --

It bothers me that Bioware wanted this story to be more complicated than a melodrama. It really didn't need to be. But I'll shut up now.

The first time I ever used Siri, it ended in a huge screaming fight. Are you surprised?

... I do have to admit I love Star Kid's response, because that's 100% something I would say to someone. "No, you're fighting me, I'm not pissed with you at all."

Wait a minute.

Go google it. The original plotline/ending had to do with the universe's energy depletion. I think Drew Karpyshyn was the major champion of that. Tali's loyalty mission was all supposed to fit into that whole menagerie. The reapers existed to destroy civilizations and keep the energy reserves from getting too low. If Bioware had to go the whole moral gray area route, that would have been a WAY better one.

Kinda stonesy for Bioware to bring it up in a way shittier ending.

Mass Effect's Ending: Circus Chord

We wake up, and we see the true final enemy of the Mass Effect series.

Wait, fuck.

We done hecked up, hold on.

You know, if I keep pulling baddies out of my hat, we never get to the true ending. We could just stay in this loop, couldn't we? The trilogy wouldn't ever end ...

"Bean, in addition to this being a brilliant stall, are you making a statement about how important an iconic final guy is to a series?"

What? I'm not that smart, don't give me that much credit.

Maybe give me a little credit.

... fine, I guess I have to end it some day. Here is the final enemy of the Mass Effect series, really for true.

(Technically he's the Intelligence, but you're never going to hear him called that. If you think he looks familiar, you're right.)

Yeahso circus chord. That's the trilogy, kids. Who's looking forward to Andromeda again?

A joke for old nerds. But forreal:

Remember, when this first came out, no one knew what this horse shit was.