Citadel: Cortez

Thanks, MSPals. I was having trouble getting some of the Citadel scenes unlocked. I asked around on Twitter and Tumblr, but ultimately, tersa on LiveJournal got it. I had scenes not pop up because I hadn't completed character arcs in the core game. I honestly thought I had, but it's probably a mix of "I blow through the game fucking fast when I play for MSPixel" and "Holy hell Tali and Ashley's scenes were so boring I totally forgot they even existed." Tali recounts the events of Homeworlds for us, Ashley tells us that her dad likes to grill.

Holy crap, though, Cortez wins the High Maintenance Award. So you go see him on the Citadel at the war memorial, right? He's there mourning his dead husband.

Then, you get an email from him.

But here's the thing, he doesn't show up in Purgatory.

So I went to the Normandy to go see what the fuck.

Oh, cool, I guess I unlocked the scene in --

Oh go to hell, Steve. Back on the Normandy:

Mass Effect 3 is coded with some twigs stuck together with bubble gum. I really think it needed about six more months dev time. As a result, it can be hard to get some scenes to trigger. (Heaven help you if you want Miranda to live, you pretty much have to be a girl.) I knew sometimes scenes will pop if you go complete a misson, so I went to go do an N7 mission.

Naturally I accidentally picked the hardest one, the one in the fuel reactor with all the toxic gas.

Me choking on fumes was what it took to get Cortez to Purgatory.

... you're an ass, Steve.

If you're a guy, this is the part where you can get with Cortez. If you're the correct Shepard, you're not really Cortez's ... type.

That took me the better part of a day. I had shit to do, but no, I spent all that time fucking around with Mass Effect instead. What was the wonderful scene I unlocked after doing this?

Steve takes Shepard on a shuttle ride.

Uh ... dude? Do you not understand why those might be in place?

So glad I did that N7 mission.

Let's check in with some other characters.

Jack isn't allowed to do anything that isn't a metaphor.

Miranda is the best fucking squadmate.

Someone at Bioware has seen Robot Chicken.