There Are No Mass Effects

Do you know how emosad I am each year when April Fools doesn't fall on a Wednesday or a Friday? I think you all'd get wise to me if I posted on a Tuesday or something.

Let's finish up Citadel.

Mass Effects 1 and 2 were more or less flat horny. Mass Effect 3 likes oscillating between "unbelievably horny" and "OH CANADA!"

So given that, let's go see Ashley at the docks.

She's busy looking sadly at the Normandy. Can you guess where this is going to go?

Daww. You can actually refuse Ashley here, but I don't see why not.

So Ashley's back! That's good times. She's our second-to-last squadmate that we'll pick up, and if you can't guess the last one, you probably have brain damage.

Oh shit, wait, the mads are calling. Sirs?

That's right, admiral, because they read the MSPixel treatments instead.

This comment is confusing to me: which Grayson? Does he mean Paul, who got reaper ate, or Gillian? Is he really that afraid that Cerberus is going to shank us all with a fucking toothbrush?

And why is he sad over what they did to Shepard? OH NO THEY BROUGHT HER BACK TO LIFE AND SHE'S PRETTY HEALTHY NOW WE'RE ALL FUCKED.

The asari are on board now because they don't want to get shot at again.

Right now, the only thing you need to know about the catalyst is:

• It is the catalyst.
• It is a noun. (Meaning, it's not the power of love or some shit.)
• You will be fucking screaming that name later, so remember it.

Don't worry about too much else.

NEXT TIME: There are no mass effects.