Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Bye, Jacob! Time To Drink.

Quick! Evacuate the children in the facility!

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I don't think Bioware's ever spoken to real children.

So the A A guns are back online, tearin' Cerberus new assholes like they were meant to do.

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So Cerberus storms the facility. By now, you're probably familiar with Cerberus battles: start with the little guys, beat the teeth out of the combat engineers, and charge the atlus at the end.

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Shepard gets her shit eaten in a cut scene, but thankfully Jacob's there.

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"Man, Bean, that's totally cray how fast you wrapped that up," you say to your computer.tablet/smart phone screen (with great effect). "It's almost like you have another event that you wanted us to see and needed the time to do it in."

Yes, actually, because I unlocked another crewmember scene! I actually forgot about this one, so that's good times:

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"Bean, you're making shit up, Chawkwas does not do that in the game." You go to YouTube and fact check me, that happens in this, The Horniest Game.

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This happens, in game. I might have fallen out of my chair laughing. Smooth, Bioware. Very smooth.

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... I'd be amazed if any of you all remembered my Shepard's first name.

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Honest to hell, Porkbun is my default name for any given Shepard. Leopard is another good one.

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2 comments:

  1. Full disclosure: I am stealing Porkbun Shepard.

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  2. Love the ME universe, and I don't quite remember how, but I lately found this blog and now read through all entries from ME1 till now in about the last week(s?)...
    Perfect combination of telling the main story in short honest words and showing all the weird (and (especially here) hilarious) moments that happen - combined with an... art style *cough*, which accomplishes to even show some of the action and real emotions on the characters with just minimalist gestures and expressions :D
    Details like Shepards eyebrow at Chakwas' invitation etc. really work, even in this 'low resolution' :P
    Perfect dry humor here, I totally intend to follow this for the forseeable future!

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