Waking up on a random surgical table: just another day in the life of Commander Shepard.
Am I fucking around, isn't this how the damn game started?
Man, this is some shit to be in, that is for real. I wonder how Shepard will solve this delicate --
I fuckin' love Shepard.
She punches everyone in the lab, legit. Not a single thing can stop her.
Hmm.
There's a console nearby that lets you control a mech.
Said mech goes through the level until he finds the thing controlling the door's force field.
The mech explodes the thing (what is that, anyway?), thus killing himself and shitting in the face of the thematic material in Mass Effect 3.
punchin and nudity: mass effect 3
Anyway, let's run through this level. But first, the reaper clock has some pertinent information!
Shit! They're coming! In TWO HOURS, the reapers are going to get through the alpha relay and reap us all!
You can actually let this timer run out, it's a neat little Easter egg:
... also, if we use math, we can figure out that they doped Shepard for two days. ... why? Like, first, why'd they knock her out? I guess so they wouldn't get punched, but then, why the hell didn't they toss her out the air lock? If they just fuckin' killed her, she wouldn't wake up, punch them all, blow shit up, and then try to activate the project.
There's some kind of implication that the reapers want Shepard alive, but they never really talk about why. Other than she's the best human, I guess, so they want her in their reaper human fuck juice to make their reaper baby the best reaper baby it can be? I think? I am totally guessing on that one.
But you'd think the Lovecraftian horror boats who've been destroying people for one kajillion years would figure out that they'd be more successful if they either just ate her or killed her? Don't they have experience in this shit?
I'm going to pretend it's because the reapers know that Shepard seems to recover from death pretty well.
... and also, they had her sedated for two days, how'd they fuck it up after all that time of --
I am thinking too hard about this, let's move on. Hey, is that a console? This is a scifi story, that'll surely do something good.
Something that amuses me about Shepard: she sounds like she's talking to Siri half the time, like Jennifer Hale was in the recording booth fucking with her phone or whatever and it just happened to be the best take.
Pfft, it's just batarians.
Kenson pops up and yells.
Wait, couldn't they just use a mass effect to move something around and avoid collision?
bwahahahahhahah yeah right
I liked Arrival until I MSPainted it.
No comments:
Post a Comment