Garrus: A Variety Of Things Get Shot In This Post

Last time on MSPixel! We were just in the middle of killing Sidonis, weren't we?

Right, I'm pretty sure Shepard and Garrus found him.

I LOVE how turians dress. They have these big tunics that have no less than three hugely loud colors all over them. Garrus has one too, he's just mostly in his armor so we don't usually get to see it. Boo.

cause you gonna die

Shepard actually does something really neat here: if you pick the paragon option, she puts herself in Garrus' scope.

Shepard doesn't get a lot of really cool character moments (particularly in ME1 and 2, she gets a bit more in 3), because she's the player controlled character and we're supposed to fill that shit in ourselves. This is a neat bit of autonomy on her part, though: she knows Garrus won't shoot her, so she can jump in the scope and talk to Garrus all day long if she wants. She trusts him that much. I would argue that she'd only feel that way about any of her old ME1 crew versus the shiny new Cerberus peeps, but that's open to interpretation.

So, Sidonis escapes.

Hey, that's like the third sniper we've encountered that no one gave any fucks about just sitting out there in the open in a major metropolitan area, isn't it! What the hell!

Garrus' loyalty mission is weird, because it's the only one you can technically fail (by letting Sidonis live instead of die) and still keep the character's loyalty. All the other ones require you to not fuck up to some degree. This is possibly a carryover from ME1, where Shepard was set up as Garrus' mentor, and he'd trust teacher enough to know that he made the right decision in letting Sidonis live. I guess. Who knows what the big lizard bastard is thinking, should we ask him?

He has a point, though, you should always go talk to a character after a loyalty mission. They have new dialog! Hopefully they don't get in a fight with another character like Miranda and Jack did. Hey, let's go to the main battery.

You know what? You've read this long enough. You fill in the blank. This is Mass Effect, how do you think Garrus says turians prepare?

What? No! This is Mass Effect, damnit, there aren't any mass effects! Try again.

Hey, closer! Good on you, but not right. Come on, what is this game comprised entirely of?

THERE'S a good hoss. Fucking and fighting. Oh turians. For all that hard work, Garrus rewards Shepard with a story about this one time when he got his dick wet.

Shepard, of course, responds in an appropriate fashion as dictated to her by the rank and prestige bestowed upon her by the Alliance Navy.

Oh I'm doing this.

Y'all hush. This is a Bioware game, we've got to fuck someone. Also, this is a scifi story, so it has to be an alien. Yes it does. I already tried Jacob and got skeeved out, damnit, I'm out of options!

I'm going to spare you my ~shipping manefesto~ and all of my ~tumblr feels~ or whatever the fuck, and just put this forth: I like doing Garrus' romance path best because it is the least creepiest. Pretty much all the other ones have at least one scene that makes me feel like I should go at my skin with a potato peeler. Garrus' is just a lady and a fucked up cricket thing trying to figure out how their genitalia fit together, it's not too bad. There's one more ME2 character that's a love interest that I don't mind, but ... we'll talk about him later. There's a character in ME3 that I would have taken if they'd put said character in ME1 to begin with, but we'll talk about that later too.

Garrus' path arguably has the better story, and if anyone's forgotten, that's what I'm sitting around drawing, so if I've got a chance to make shit easy on me, you bet I'm going to do it with some alien wang in my face.

Also, you all heard me: fucking the big pineapple bird thing is the least creepy path through Mass Effect.

... please don't come at me for not doing your favorite guy!

Err. Anyway, the exact line isn't, "We should fuck!", but it may as well be, since Shepard is JUST ABOUT that subtle about how she wants to gargle his balls.

And Garrus is JUST ABOUT that dense about getting his balls gargled. I'm not sure how you got laid the first time, son!

Hi, this is what I do with my time, I draw people drawing porn.

NEXT TIME: I'm trying to find a mission with less alien sex, but see, I'm starting to run low on those.