The Collector's Ship: Gross

I get Ilos and Illium mixed up and I'm too lazy to go edit the image. Just pretend there's a damn Quik-E-Mart out in the Prothean ruins.

Speaking of, I suspect? that Brother Tim is calling us early, we've still got a SHIT. TON. of missions to go through. I'm hoping the game isn't futzing out on me. Surely to hell not.

The Illusive Man has discovered an abandoned collector ship. Or rather, he's discovered that a turian patrol unit discovered a collector ship and took it out.

Feh, details! The point is, before anyone else can get close to it, Shep and the Shepettes can step in, grab data, and zip on out and then roll up to Ilos for peanut butter. Wait, Illium. I may have stopped caring.

How indeed. Wouldn't they have to, you know, shoot at the damn ship? Curiouser and curiouser.

The collector's ship has very little oxygen, so everyone has to wear helmets. For reasons I don't understand, some characters don't have helmets -- they just have these little breather units that cover their mouth and nose. Miranda's one of them. You want to trip hard? Bring Jack. Shepard (a human!) is standing there in heavy armor and a helmet and she wears a breather mask and a tit strap. Sci fi playing fast and loose with the rules of science? I never!

The collector's ship inside is like a giant bee hive or some shit. It's grosser than that one level in Super Mario Land 2. If you automatically filled in "six golden coins", we could party.

Point being, remember all those pods we found on Horizon? The collectors brought them back here and were fucking gross ass bugs about it. Some of them are empty. Did the collectors suck their guts out or .... ?

Oh, hey, Siri's calling.

This ship is fucking dogging Shepard! That's not cool.

The collectors don't clean house very well, either.

The crew rolls up to some sort of dead collector hooked up to a computer.

By the way, watch this scene close -- Shepard turns on her omni tool. Usually characters just sort of stick out their arm and it appears. I swear I think it's the only instance in the Mass Effect universe when a character does that. I can't decide if that would resolve the nerd fights I've overheard about how omni tools work or just make more of them.

Hey, EDI, what's going on with that dead collector?

SAY WHAT

The collectors are Protheans?! Not really. EDI suggests that they used to be, but the reapers altered their genetic code so that they'd be more ... useful. The Protheans didn't die out, they just got conquered and taken over in a terrifying example of body horror!

Anyway, we came to hook EDI up to the collector's ship, so let's get that done.

NEXT TIME: Assuming direct control ~of your heart~