A PSA before we start: please tell me none of you all went out on Black Friday. I don't want any of you getting shot, or supporting retailers that are cool with you getting shot.
Now, on with the show.
Who noticed that I drew the CIC wrong last update? None of you? I have no idea how you'd even tell, but I did.
This is a true story, when I first fired up Mass Effect, I thought the different classes referred to how many points you got in what stat. Why the hell wouldn't it? It's a damn RPG, isn't it? I picked vanguard because I figured having a few points in the Gun stat (which only exists in my head) was probably a good thing for a shooter. Tali is an enginner, meaning her specialty is tech stuff. Garrus is an infiltrator, meaning he's got some tech stuff, but in this example, would have sacrificed tech stat points for gun stat points, if that makes any sense.
I never understood, in short, why the hell they didn't make Tali calibrate that damn gun.
I think I throw overload around more in MSPixel comics than in the actual game.
Okay, so I alluded to the idea that ME2 has three basic missions: recruitment, Brother Tim's missions, and the third type that we'll look at today, loyalty missions. Loyalty missions are totally optional, you can complete ME2 without them just fine, but ... don't do that. Trust me. Do them all. They unlock in a specific order as you run around doing other shit, and Kelly will tell you when a certain character's opens up. Miranda and Jacob's are open right at the start, as well as Kasumi and Zaeed's. We're going to start with Miranda today.
When you get to Miranda's quarters, she tells you about her father, who created Miranda to be a perfect genetic copy of him. That's why she's with Cerberus, she traded her services for protection from the guy. She has a twin sister who Cerberus has been protecting from her dad as well, but her dad's awfully close to figuring out where her twin (named Oriana) is hidden, and wants Shepard's help in relocating her.
Then Bioware gives us a gratuitous ass shot.
I'm not fucking drawing it! If you don't believe me, look there. That's Miranda's ass. I told you people this game was fucking horny.
Cerberus is relocating Oriana on a planet called Illium, which is more or less Omega with asari. Miranda's old friend Niket is going to escort her. However, Miranda's dad has hired the Eclipse mercs to intercept them and grab Oriana, so Shepard and Miranda are going to run around and draw fire.
do you not just love that tech armor get proud of me
Hmm, Eclipse mercs, that's a funny thing to say about Miranda's oldest and bestest friend! Why would you say such a thing?
That's something I love about Mass Effect, there's not a single character that understands stealth. "Oh, man, time to sneak into this place? Better shoot down as many guys as possible while making a shit ton of noise and wearing my iconic N7 armor!"
Miranda takes this opportunity to reveal that Oriana's her genetic twin. She's 19, but she's got the exact same DNA, so 'twin' is kind of the best word the universal translator has. Actually, it's kind of important that Oriana is 19. Do you notice we haven't run in to any kids yet? There is only one child in the Mass Effect games, and -- ahahahahahahhahahahhaha the nerd tears, oh the nerd tears. I'll leave it for another day, though.
Oh, and this Niket guy. What was that merc talking about, Niket not helping us?
...
I've got this little test I do when I read/watch/play stories.
You see, I am tragically dumb and buy in to anything any story tells me. Who remembers the ending to Final Fantasy IX? I won't spoil it, but I had no idea who was under the black cloak in the ending play. I am that dense.
A better example: have you seen Spirited Away? You should watch it if you haven't. One of the ending scenes involves a witch leading the heroine over to a pen of pigs. The witch says that two of the pigs are the girl's parents.
I love that there's at least one person out there who just scrolls through and looks at the pictures, and is tragically lost right now.
Anyway, any idiot can come up with what happens next: the kid picks the pigs, they turn back into their parents, and everyone's happy. Any idiot can figure that out except ME, I was totally overwrought in the theater at the thought that she'd NEVER pick out the pigs and her parents would be pigs FOREVER oh no oh no oh no!
Which leads me to the pig test: if even my dumb ass can figure out what's going to happen next, the foreshadowing is too shitty.
Oh, hey, guess what happens next. As Shepard and Miranda are riding in an elevator:
I know we're all looking at this from the outside in -- it's not OUR buddy that's betraying us. If Garrus or Wrex or something sold us out to the collectors, we'd be having the same melt down. But shit, Miranda, how did you not see this one coming?
This is actually factually what happens, Miranda and Niket get into a bitch fight and then the Eclipse captain makes catty remarks about Miranda's outfit.
Niket can't believe that Miranda kept Oriana from him, he thinks her father should be able to raise her because he's got mad cashmoneyrecords and can give her lots of opportunities. Miranda's like, aw hell naw, my dad's crazy, quit being a little bitch.
... that's supposed to be a paragon symbol. I was trying to draw Shepard paragon interrupting. Hush.
And so ends such a Mass Effectian tale, with a shit ton of bloodshed. As Shepard and Miranda are walking off:
Pigs and assholes, that's what y'all visit MSPixel for.
You shouldn't be so down on yourself. I was worried that she wouldn't pick the right pigs either. It was a Ghibli film and goodness knows he pulls some dark shit sometimes.
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