Wow! That's a neat detail that won't become relevant.
Probably one of my favorite lines in the series.
Meanwhile, this shit is going on:
Shepard, naturally, flips the guy over the table and takes his gun because she's Shepard. She manages to get to Brooks, who's like ten feet away anyway, so don't get too impressed.
No, that happens, the merc shoots the floor and Shepard falls through the fish tank. You'd think a place like that would have some sort of safety regulations in place?
Maybe Canada doesn't have safety regulations. Point being, Shepard falls through the fish tank and topples through the Citadel.
Husbando~ makes a cogent point, let's go see what's afoot on the Normandy.
That, sir, is Tali drinking, and it's as incredible as you were hoping it was.
What? Prove where a quarian's mouth is.
See, I could redraw all this and borrow Eusebius? Or I could keep on keeping on, and enjoy how weird this gets.
Before we go on today, let's try a thought experiment. Let's pretend it's ... enh, two or three months after the release of Mass Effect 3. Most Mass Effect nerds have completed the game at least once, and now it's time to discuss what we did and didn't like.
For the sake of simplicity, let's stick with what we didn't like. Hey, Mass Effect nerds, what didn't we like?
Okay, true, that's a fair enough point, but what else didn't we like?
"Hey, Bean, for fun, what would your complaint with the Mass Effect series be?" Oh, come on, I've got an entire blog where I bitch and moan about Mass Effect.
"Naw, but pick just one. Endings don't count." Okay, then, sure:
WELL?!
I think Bioware is sometimes too kind. You probably figured out that we've got time for one DLC, and there's only one DLC left in, like, the entire series.
The Citadel DLC was released March 5th, exactly one day shy of the one year anniversary of the release of Mass Effect 3. Bioware intended, of course, to tell one last story in the ME universe. However, they also decided to kindly fix some fan gripes as they went. You'll see it as we go along.
In our house, Citadel was received thusly:
We have only a small amount of time left in this entry, but we can at least do the first scene. Shepard gets an email from Hackett that the Normandy needs some maintenance, so the crew pilots to the Citadel for some shore leave. Anderson asked Shepard to come visit his old apartment.
Of course, we left his ass on Earth, so Anderson will be appearing in this scene via satellite.
The first time I played, I thought this was a flat screen TV. It hit me, like, today that this is probably actually a tablet mounted to the wall. Fuuuuuutuuuuuure.
Uh, so. Uh. We have an apartment now, I guess that's cool. Did this scene not freak anyone else out? Ending spoilers, highlight to read: When people think they're about to die, they're known to give away possessions.
Remember, most people played Citadel after they played the ending to the game.
Apparently Al-jilani asked Anderson to record some details about his personal life. Anderson left space tape recorders all over his apartment with various old dude stories on them. Anderson's voice actor, Keith David, narrated all of the Ken Burns documentaries, so you can imagine the gravitas he gives these dumbass space stories.
Please imagine the following music playing while Anderson relates his entire life story.
Honestly, most of them are either a little dull, or crap we knew because Heaven help us we read all the books. We'll only do the good ones.
Here, this one made me laugh pretty hard:
Hand to GOD that's the story in the game. Go fact check me.
Have another.
Good news, children, after all this time, I am still history's greatest asshole. Hell, I was laughing about this dumbass fat joke while I was putting this entry together:
NEXT TIME: maybe I won't be horrifyingly offensive
I must have said this at some point, but I like to imagine what Shep and Company talk about as they go on missions.
It's also worth noting that I know next to nothing about Dr. Who.
Nor do I care.
So that's going on, Miranda's chillaxing in cover and Miranda's dad is all taking Oriana hostage.
... well, fuck, we missed out on Kai Leng.
That was, uh, the best way I could think of to show that I took the blue option. It sort of doesn't matter what option you pick, because:
... Miranda rolls up from behind and punks his ass out a window.
A plot hole for your consideration: Oriana and Miranda are genetic twins, ergo, Oriana should likely have been a biotic too. Right? Is that shit genetic? Even if it isn't, Miranda probably got her biotic abilities from her dad exposing her fetus to eezo. So if Oriana was grown to be Miranda's successor, shouldn't she have had the same exposure? Unless maybe she just didn't have a biotic amp.
Point being, you'd have to go through some gymnastics to get to a scenario where Oriana isn't biotic, ergo, she likely is. Ergo, she should have had enough power to just chuck Henry Lawson through the damn window herself.
Wow! That's so cool! Thanks Miranda!
"Hey, Bean, is there any other way this scenario can play out?" As a matter of fact there is!
Miranda can die here. Hell, she's very likely to die here. If she wasn't loyal from Mass Effect 2? She ded. If you were a dude and you did the do with her in ME2, but then didn't do the do with her in ME3? She ded.
Also, I remember specifically telling you that you have to talk to Miranda every time she wants to talk. There's three separate Miranda conversations that you have to get through to warn her about Kai Leng. If she knows? She's good, she lives. If you mess up and don't warn her, Kai Leng will pop her, and then she ded.
You'll be very glad she's alive in the next section. Hell, I'm just happy my ME2 homie's alive and well!
Another tracer? How dumb is Kai Leng? How has he not noticed?! This is probably what he looks like at this point:
... That ... that's Kai Leng under a pile of tracers.
No one promised you good art.
NEXT TIME: Don't lie, we've got one more DLC to go and it's the one you were waiting for me to do.
