Oh, It's THAT DLC

Husbando~ makes a cogent point, let's go see what's afoot on the Normandy.

That, sir, is Tali drinking, and it's as incredible as you were hoping it was.

What? Prove where a quarian's mouth is.

See, I could redraw all this and borrow Eusebius? Or I could keep on keeping on, and enjoy how weird this gets.

Before we go on today, let's try a thought experiment. Let's pretend it's ... enh, two or three months after the release of Mass Effect 3. Most Mass Effect nerds have completed the game at least once, and now it's time to discuss what we did and didn't like.

For the sake of simplicity, let's stick with what we didn't like. Hey, Mass Effect nerds, what didn't we like?

Okay, true, that's a fair enough point, but what else didn't we like?

"Hey, Bean, for fun, what would your complaint with the Mass Effect series be?" Oh, come on, I've got an entire blog where I bitch and moan about Mass Effect.

"Naw, but pick just one. Endings don't count." Okay, then, sure:

WELL?!

I think Bioware is sometimes too kind. You probably figured out that we've got time for one DLC, and there's only one DLC left in, like, the entire series.

The Citadel DLC was released March 5th, exactly one day shy of the one year anniversary of the release of Mass Effect 3. Bioware intended, of course, to tell one last story in the ME universe. However, they also decided to kindly fix some fan gripes as they went. You'll see it as we go along.

In our house, Citadel was received thusly:

We have only a small amount of time left in this entry, but we can at least do the first scene. Shepard gets an email from Hackett that the Normandy needs some maintenance, so the crew pilots to the Citadel for some shore leave. Anderson asked Shepard to come visit his old apartment.

Of course, we left his ass on Earth, so Anderson will be appearing in this scene via satellite.

The first time I played, I thought this was a flat screen TV. It hit me, like, today that this is probably actually a tablet mounted to the wall. Fuuuuuutuuuuuure.

Uh, so. Uh. We have an apartment now, I guess that's cool. Did this scene not freak anyone else out? Ending spoilers, highlight to read: When people think they're about to die, they're known to give away possessions. 

Remember, most people played Citadel after they played the ending to the game.

Apparently Al-jilani asked Anderson to record some details about his personal life. Anderson left space tape recorders all over his apartment with various old dude stories on them. Anderson's voice actor, Keith David, narrated all of the Ken Burns documentaries, so you can imagine the gravitas he gives these dumbass space stories.

Please imagine the following music playing while Anderson relates his entire life story.

Honestly, most of them are either a little dull, or crap we knew because Heaven help us we read all the books. We'll only do the good ones.

Here, this one made me laugh pretty hard:

Hand to GOD that's the story in the game. Go fact check me.

Have another.

Good news, children, after all this time, I am still history's greatest asshole. Hell, I was laughing about this dumbass fat joke while I was putting this entry together:

NEXT TIME: maybe I won't be horrifyingly offensive

likely not