Shepard's been dead two years, are we all going to pretend that technology hasn't advanced since then? You know she encountered at least one omnitool upgrade that blew her mind.
THIS IS YOUR WARNING. IF YOU HAVEN'T COMPLETED THE ARCHANGEL MISSION, DON'T READ THIS POST!
Remember how I promised I'd write around some spoilers? I can't write around this one! Just join us next time, okay? Promise me you'll turn back if you haven't found out who Archangel is yet!
All right, Brother Tim is all up about this one guy named Archangel, so let's go talk to him. Who the hell is Archangel, anyway? He lives on Omega, so Aria probably knows.
Reckless and idealistic? Huh. I guess that makes him decent enough for a suicide mission, then.
What, was it two updates ago that we learned about the only law Omega has? Archangel decided a while back that he'd clean up Omega by getting a team together and fighting all the bad guys. Of course, though, he pissed off the three major mercenary bands on Omega, and now he's in some deep shit.
Archangel is literally the hero Omega needs, but not the hero it deserves right now.
Aria doesn't care one way if he lives or dies, but Shepard does, so Aria points him to a freelancer mercenary recruiting station. Shepard can go, pretend to freelance, then infiltrate the whole operation and bust Archangel out.
Seems legit, let's go talk to the recruiter.
You get an extra bit of dialogue if you were smart enough to play as girl Shepard.
Not actually sure why you all follow this blog at this point.
So Team Shepard takes a cab to where the mercs are gathering to take on Archangel. Here, have a map, shit will make more sense:
So, Archangel has holed himself up in a building. He leans out a window and snipes mercs, and he's good at it, too. There's only two ways into the building: the basement and the bridge, and the basement's blocked off. The merc bands are hoping to funnel zillions upon zillions of freelancers over the bridge to either tire Archangel out or see if they can actually break through by sheer numbers.
They've tried other means, too. They even sent a gunship after the guy, but he managed to disable it!
Okay, so, huh. Reckless, idealistic, good with snipers, damn near genius at technology.
The Merry Band of Shepards are instructed to find Sargent Cafka, but first, they wind up talking to the leaders of the three major merc bands.
You can understand the damn plot just find if you only know that 'there are merc bands'. Hell, that's all I knew about anything before I had to go back through this for MSPixel. Let's go through them, though, just because there's going to be one obsessive weirdo who'll get mad if I don't tell you how to differentiate Eclipse from Blood Pack.
The first group you meet up with is the Eclipse.
That's the Eclipse leader Jaroth, there. The Eclipse are mostly salarian guys with bumblebee looking armor.
I have written in my notes that the leader of the Blood Pack is turian, but the wiki entry has them as krogan and vorcha, which makes more sense. You know, politically. Why the hell would krogans and turians work together? Krogans are still bitter over that whole 'genophage' thing. So I don't know, enjoy the random turian there.
When you go see the leader of the Blue Suns, their leader is all tore up about shit, so you have to go see the second in command instead.
I'm pretty sure the Blue Suns are the biggest (remember them from last entry?) and employ all the aliens.
Hmm. Idealistic reckless sniper good with technology lady killer. Shit, is Archangel the same person as Shepard? I feel like I've met the sumbitch.
Anyway, let us now attend to Sargent Cafka. He's off working on a mech!
You actually have the opportunity to electrocute him and disable the mech, but I can't. Paragon fo lyfe.
So, Shepard and the freelancers start over the bridge. What does Shepard do?
Instantly blow our fucking cover. You tried, honey, you tried.
Shepard kills the freelancers and works her way right up to Archangel.
If you haven't played this mission, I'm serious, last chance! Do NOT go on!
Good! I'm kind of looking forward to meeting our turian idealistic reckless sniper good with technology lady killer friend here.
I'm not playing, that is actually factually yes indeed Garrus Vakarian.
But you all FUCKING KNEW THAT because everyone reading at this point has played the mission! Right? Jesus I hope none of you were stupid shits and spoiled yourself.
Damn, though, Garrus watched Shepard die. That must be quite a shock to the system! Don't you think he'd ask how she came back, or what it was like to be dead, or did she really die, or ... ?
Nope.
They just flirt shamelessly instead.
Children, this is Mass Effect, a story in which we must always take the horniest path through everything. That dialogue about Garrus ~shooting~ Shepard isn't a metaphor at all. Not in the slightest.
fucking horny ass game
NEXT TIME: Maybe we'll find Tali under the next helmet!
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