Friday, September 5, 2014

Admiral Korris

I never get to do opening comics any more. Let's do an opening comic.

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HOLY SHIT that just happened.

Hi, everyone, this is Mass Effect, the Horniest Game, in which robots just call up all like, "Ey yo, dem titties. This game won eleven awards, six of which were, "Best Game Of The Year," and the characters start conversations with, "You gots big booberies."

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"Bean, I think you're kidding about EDI being the end of us all." I think I'm not.

Let's move on, Admiral Raan needs a favor.

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Ooo, gurl, we goin' to Rannoch! Let's take Tali, I bet she'll enjoy it.

I bet Cortez can get that tower out. Then we can grab Korris and go home quickly!

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okay new plan

Shep decides to take out the guns blocking the comm tower so that Cortez can take out the comm tower, thus allowing us to speak with Korris. Got all that? Maybe draw a diagram.

By the way, everyone tends to cite spoilerplanet as the prettiest in the Mass Effect series, but for my money? It's night time Rannoch. I mean, hell, just look at the blues. They're so nice. Check out the ocean, too.

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Yeah, just look at all of that. Take it in. Take in my art skills.

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Oh, Gabris. Or in the French, Gabree.

This level actually works a lot like a multiplayer mission. Shepard will wander up to a console, all,

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... I would be remiss if I didn't mention the easter egg that happens here if you bring along Vega.

As you shoot down all the geth and make your way to the other gun, you'll come across a scene with another dying quarian.

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Anyway, the other gun.

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I die a lot less when Tali deals with the guns. I don't know why, I thought she'd stand around and hack and throw bots fast enough to help me out? I think it has more to do with Garrus melting the face off of everything with that Prothean rifle.

The game provides you a geth turret if you want it, but:

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vanguard fo lyfe

Once Tali gets the guns down, it's Cortez's turn!

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Perf. Let's call Korris.

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... I don't get this. I'll be honest, I don't get a lot of the strategy stuff in Mass Effect 3. He can't stay with the civilians because ... ? But they'll die without him? But he isn't going to follow them?

Either way, Shepard's got to talk this dipshit down.

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I don't know if you have to paragon option him out, necessarily, but I do know that the better option is to choose Korris over the civilians. It'll make sense in a later mission. (I had to be told that, my first instinct was to safe the civilians!)

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We've got to provide cover for Korris to get to the shuttle. The game wants you to shoot out of the shuttle with an onboard turret.

... where the hell did the turret come from?

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So anyway, fuck this part. I can't hit the broad side of a barn to begin with, but then this shit starts up. Do you know what the playing field looks like?

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The geth are blue, Rannoch is blue, Korris is blue, you can't see shit. I just kind of aimed wherever I saw bullets. Do you know how many times I shot Korris?

Husbando~ tried to help, but,

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So eventually you get that turd on the ship, just as a geth shoots through the shuttle doors. How the hell does a geth miss? Shouldn't they be, like, super good at targeting and math and junk?

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Oh man, and you can tell by the look on his face that -- oh shit, wait.

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