They Built A WHAT?! For WHY?!

The moving platforms aren't hard if you have pull. You know, if you play vanguard like I told you.

All you do is stand around and toss pull before the collectors get to you, it pops them off really quick.

Of course, Jack has pull too.

I have to apologize for lying last entry: I finally have all the art done, and there's no way in hell we're getting out of this in one entry. At least you've got something to look forward to next Wednesday, I guess.

Reaper super structre? But what the hell could that be?

Yeah, so, uh. The collectors just have this fucker, like, uh, hanging out in their basement. Do you think Harbinger pets its hair and tries to share mountain dew with it?

The best part is that it's not done yet.

Hold on to your ass. This is the last moment in time before you know what happens in this next panel.

Let's go, motherfuckers, let's go. Tell me one more damn time how this isn't the horniest game they make. Try and tell me. TRY AND TELL ME.

There are literally thousands of video games throughout history. Gazillions of them. That's a real number. I'm counting Pong up through Dragon Age Fucking 3 or whatever. Do you know how many of those don't involve fucking in any capacity? A HIGH DAMN PERCENTAGE, that's for sure! Let's name a few! Let's name some classics! Mario 3! Ecco the Dolphin! Any given Zelda (except possibly Twilight Princess!) Frogger!

"BUT OH HOH," screamed all of Bioware, sitting high atop their Edmontonian fortress, hands in their pants, "THIS SHALL NOT PASS. OUR GAME SHALL BE BETTER. OUR GAME SHALL BE A LOVING TALE OF GIANT LOVECRAFTIAN HORROR ROBOT SPIDER ALIENS TURNING HUMANS INTO LIQUID GRAY FUCK JUICE SO THAT THEY CAN GET THEIR DAMN SWERVE ON, AND THE PLUCKY LADY WHO TRIES TO COCKBLOCK THEM AND GETS SOME ALIEN WING WANG OR HOO HAA ALONG THE WAY.

Do you see my point here? The reapers could have been after literally anything, but because this is Mass Effect, the Horniest Game Series, it had to be straight humpin'. There are Japanese hentai games with more complicated plots.

Thank you, Mac Walters, for teaching us all how to love again.

Fuckin' horny ass game.

All right, so here goes an easy boss fight: shoot the tubes, the reaper babby falls.

At this point a squadmate will call and check in. It was Thane in my game, I think it's randomized though. Had anyone died, Thane would have let us know, but we're all good.

You actually can choose to hand the base over to Brother TIM, but everyone I've ever spoken to recognizes it as an awful idea. I've heard of people doing it "just to see what happens". (My understanding is: not much.)

All right, well, let's hustle out --

Fuck, really?

Okay, the human reaper is back, this time with three eyes, because humans have three eyes, because mass effects. I don't care any more. Sure, fuck it, the abomination against man and nature has three eyes. It's made of gray fuck juice, just make it go away!

You have to aim for the eyes, but it's such a damn hard fight.

NEXT TIME: Really the real end of Mass Effect 2.