The Scientist Salarian

Good morning. Let us all now to the Omega slums, which as we may remember from last time, were ate the fuck up with some weird plague.

It's been a good long while since I've gotten to draw a decent turian, too! This Cerberus shit is no fun, I hope we get some decent aliens soon.

The plague doesn't affect humans, if you'll remember. But still, none shall pass the turian guard.

I'm trying to think of where the 'oh hey you're the hero that's rad walk right the fuck on through' trope got started. I'm thinking Square might have been the culprit on that one. Was that in Final Fantasy 1? I only played part of that game, but it's really kind of fun if you play the GBA version and name everybody after your friends.

I named the white mage after me and let her lead the party because apparently I don't know how to have an RPG without a lady with orange hair as the lead.

That's not true, my Warden was a brunette.

You know, now that I think of it, why the hell can the plague affect quarians and turians? The game makes a Big Thing about quarians and turians having a different chirality from the rest of the galaxy. Their DNA is dextro based instead of levo based like humans, asari, krogan, hanar, whatever else you can name. You'll hear various NPCs make jokes about how one can't eat the other's food. You'd think, then, that a creature with a totally different DNA structure couldn't get sick off the same bacteria ... virus ... whatever this stuff is that the rest of the galaxy could? But they can. I guess.

Obviously they're getting sick because of mass effects.

There's some mercenary units patrolling the area, which makes perfect sense because they're all fucking turians and batarians and will keel over and die from the damn plague. What? Maybe the mercs should have sent half of their troops in, since turians are dextro DNA and can't get sick off the same stuff that batarians OH WAIT SORRY ABOUT THAT.

You guys, I'm having a hard time doing science today. Apparently.

Oh, and also? The other aliens think the humans did it. I guess that makes sense, in its own way, but the thing is, humans didn't. Wait. Did they? If they did, no one told Shepard, I guess.

So then, let us attend to the strange case of Mordin, in his slums in the middle of the clinic.

Dr. Solus, who prefers to be called Mordin, speaks in a very quick and stilted manner. Please don't think this is some kind of poor English joke, mofo actually sounds like that.

Whoa, hey, there's a thought! The collectors! They could just sweep in and overtake Omega if they kill all the other guys first! Then they could abduct the humans and do ... the ... uh ... whatever the hell is they're doing with them. That shit.

Man, to develop a plague on their own, they must be pretty bright guys. Hmm.

Mordin has a plague cure! Hooray! But he can't leave his clinic because of all the dying people! Less hooray! Luckily, Shepard's quite mobile, so Mordin asks her to deliver it. If Shepard can get the cure circulating throughout the station, then everyone gets exposed to the cure and ... well, we all get cured. Exeunt and florish.

Mordin gives you a bunch of things, like a canister filled with plague cure, and --

Every Mass Effect nerd? Every REALLY big Mass Effect nerd? Is fucking bawling right now.

Don't a one of you spoil it.

So, Shepard and crew go off to install the cure. But they come across an area guarded by vorcha.

I'm pretty sure vorcha aren't even in Mass Effect 1. They're pink looking and less evolved aliens that scream everything they say.

You can probably take a wild swing as to why they don't have a seat on the Citadel Council.

The vorcha imply that the collectors may have planted the plague. Specifically, I think the line is "COLEKTORS WANT PLAYG". So hey, maybe Mordin's on to something.

Also my husband wants me to mention that the vorcha are named after something in Star Trek that has to do with Klingons because he is a huge fucking nerd.

So anyway, back to my blog where I MSPaint the entire Mass Effect series, Shepard guns down the vorcha and rolls up to the console where she has to install the cure.

Does that not look like a bright orange tardis? None of y'all get cute, now, I hate Dr. Who.

Luckily, EDI comes over the loud speaker (that's one of her AI super powers, just fucking coming over the comm system of anything) and helps us out.

Ha ha, really.

Seriously. Really. This is the plot we're doing right now, we're going to repair the air conditioner.

GRIPPING SCI FI ACTION.

Unfortunately, Shepard has to get through some vorcha first.

But once that's over with, we come to Omega's HVAC system. Hell yeah, I can't wait to unplug the system first so we can prevent electrical accidents! Ooo, gurl, gonna see how low them freeon levels are ...

God damn, almost makes you wish we were back checking email with Anderson instead of all this HEART POUNDING ADVENTURE.

Anyway, thus ends our tale of heating and cooling repair. Mordin agrees to sign on with the Normandy crew to study many things.

NEXT TIME: gonna fix a tripped circut