MSPixel The Musical

Toby Fox stole my joke, film at 11.

Diaba is right, though, when last we left off, we found out that EDI had thwarted a Cerberus attempt to retake the Normandy by uploading porn to their servers. Really.

I've been foreshadowing this, but I'm putting a pin right here. This is the horniest moment in the trilogy.

"But Bean, this game has multiple sex scenes. Wouldn't a portion where they actually fuck be in the running?" I'm arguing that this is the horniest moment because it has the least reason to be horny. It's gratuitous. I mean, let's go through some shit:

Or!

Or!

wait that's still porn okay hold on OR EVEN WHAT IF

HA HA NO OF COURSE WE WOULDN'T USE A MASS EFFECT WOULD WE?!

"Bean, you can't upload a mass effect." What can you do with it?! Evidently not much!

Strap in.

oh yes i did.

Citadel: I Drew A Shirtless Turian

There's a headline for you.

That's the best shirtless turian I got. No one promised you good art.

True story, when I first got Tumblr, literally the only thing I could get to come up was Garrus Vakarian's dick. My friends would sit on their piles of food pictures and cat videos and look upon my piles of alien porn in astonishment. I used a stopwatch to time how long it took me to get to turian dicks when I started tumblr up. I was averaging around 90 seconds.

... did ANYONE else notice Javik just chilling in Shepard's bedroom the day after the party?

Depending on stuff, you can get various messages from other squadmates who couldn't make it into the party. (Their flight got delayed, see.) I got some stuff from Mordin, let's check it out!

... in the game this is an audio file, but see, we here at the MSPixel offices remain unencumbered by such things as "the ESRB," so enjoy this one fully rendered.

p>

Hi, everyone, Mordin shows porn to children, of course he does, because this is Mass Effect.

Other than that, it's a fairly normal morning here at Casa de Anderson.

But sadly, all things must come to an end, and we find ourselves at the Citadel docks.

Isn't that a lovely ending? I sure could say something about the real ending, but maybe I'll just keep my mouth shut and instead invite us all back on the Sex Boat Normandy.

... wait, wasn't someone very conspicuously missing from the party?

Chawkwas! I'm shocked we didn't have to mop her ass up during the whole ordeal.

Was there anyone else?

... yeah, so, no one else. We good.

It's That Sort Of Scene

We must talk about today's opening scene.

I am terrible, if there is a spoiler on the Internet, I read it. I tried hard to resist when Mass Effect 3 was coming out, but I am me, and so, I found one.

Specifically, on Youtube. I ran with my iPad into the living room, eager to share with Husbando~.

But something came over me.

I fell to the floor, laughing. I couldn't get up. I couldn't breathe. Husbando~ nearly called the paramedics, that's how hard my fit was. But, finally, I was able to screech one word, one single solitary word that let him know what was going on.

The following is the scene I found on YouTube.

"Bean, there is no way that this goes where I think it's going." This goes where you think it's going.

You know this isn't even the horniest scene in the game?

You also know that you can see her shower? I'm not drawing it, enjoy your MSpainted censorship.

... which is one way to resolve the shower scene. What's the other way? Hey, let's dig up that YouTube video I found so long ago:

That really really truly happens. Also yes, Shepard joins in in her clothes. Even her dress blues, if that's what she's wearing.

I'm going to avoid the shower now, because banging Traynor in the shower locks in her romance, and that significantly reduces the number of alien sex jokes I get to make. If you blow her off, you get a scene where Traynor and Shepard play Space iPad Holo Chess instead.

Shepard can't play chess, it makes my heart soar.

Also, I am not even lying in the slightest, the scene really truly ends this way:

After the Citadel coup, certain squadmates will have specific scenes pop up where you can go chillax with them. That was Traynor's. I had a few more pop up, so we'll look at them today.

... I seem to remember them all coming up at once, but on this playthrough, I only got three to come up. I know Garrus, Ashley and Liara at the minimum have ones that I haven't unlocked somehow? Advice is welcome.

But hey, Diaba Abers needs to see us!

Look, I don't know, you can fuck Diaba at this point. Does she even know how to have sex? I imagine it looks a lot like this.

I think Diaba Abers stays clear of the shower, though. Hey, someone else is calling.

Bwahahaha, you all wish.

Nah, but frealsies.

You know? Paragon Lost came out way after Mass Effect 3, I'm surprised they reference the plot of it so much.

and then i grind my teeths

Next time: