The Name Of The Boat

Please allow Shepard to accurately summarize my feelings toward this section of Mass Effect 3:

Yo so the first time I saw this scene, I was like,

Because this shit can happen:

Because sex boat.

But good news, if you're doing the do with either of them, they thankfully just reminisce instead.

So hey, guess what activates if we go into Shepard's cabin!

I was wondering if I could make that shot work. I, uh, couldn't.

Granted, I can't make any shot work.

The nice thing about the Garrus sex scene is that Bioware didn't animate them having sex. The others ... sorry, those are two computer generated bodies of polygons rolling around. (Can you tell I don't play Bioware games for the love stories?)

Last time I went through and showed you what we didn't win, but here's the thing: all of these scenes are, uh, real damn similar. I love Mass Effect 3, but it needed more dev time. The sex scenes are one area where you can tell Bioware was rushed.

Still, here's our not-Garrus sex pals:

Liara plays with Shepard's helmet a bit.

Kaidan drinks. I frequently forget about Kaidan.

Traynor's is the best, but we'll have to revisit it. You'll see why.

Really, I could start subbing anyone in.

Wanna get weird?

Let's go.

Cronos Station: More Like Assault On MY EYES

I have bitched about this since ME1 and I don't even care:

Anyway, this damn thing has a plot and probably we should get to it.

A thousand years ago Miranda tracked Kai Leng to Cerberus' own Cronos Station for us, so let's go fuck that up.

That thing still looks just so much like a penis.

I totally 100% forgot that the sex scene happens here! I thought that it happened right before the last assault on Spoiler Planet! Stick Figure Me isn't lying, I literally just started the damn XBox up and bam, fucking. Mass Effect.

I feel like a bad story teller, because we totally just had two sex scenes in a row. Poor Shepard's going to be sore when she rolls up to Cronos Station.

... you know what, though? Let's do something else. Indulge me just a little bit. We'll get to the sex scene, I promise.

As much as I hate it, this happened. BioWare actually spared us from it, I was surprised.

Saturday Post: YOU GUYS! Amiibo Card Coolness

Okay, so Amiibo cards, right? I'm not that interested in Happy Home Designer, but I will show up any day of the week for bunnies. I'm'a need all them bunnies, tia.

Husbando~ kindly brought me some cards last night. I thought I might put them in my old Nintendo Power card album -- 

That's a thing, get jealous, but I don't think I've got enough space. So I was googling around for solutions last night when I found this: Nintendo will let you design your own card holder!

You guys. So rad. Here's mine:

See, and you open the top, and all your cards are inside!

Got Isabelle in my first pack, get jealous. No bunnies though!

Foundations: Hindsight

Holy crap. Okay, so I thought I had this comic, right? I did not. Comixology wouldn't let me buy a copy on my iPad, because apparently if you have an iPad 1 then your money's no good. I called local comic shops, and they didn't have it. Some of them didn't pick up the phone even, so that was awesome. I tried so many ways to buy this stupid thing. You know how I had to wind up getting it?

We don't have to discuss how I wound up getting it.

Mass Effect Foundation #13 is the last comic in the Foundation series, released July 23rd, 2014. It has Kai Leng on the cover, and then also nowhere else.

It starts out with Brooks (Rasa, really) remembering being a little girl and getting her head shaven to look like a little boy before we cut to this idyllic scene in a laboratory:

Turns out they don't need the clone, see, so it's murderin' time.

Oh shit! If only there were a Cerberus higher up that could help us!

I can think of one.

"Wow Bean, that's a funny joke!" No, see, that actually happens in the comics, Brooks hacks the station and puts some Blasto on.

Anyway, Brooks makes off with the clone. The art is really unclear, so I guess she's all like:

Thankfully, Miranda's on the case.

They fight for pages, probably. Here's the thing: the art is super unclear as to what's going on. You're getting more out of MSPixel right now. They beat each other up inside the station, and then outside the station again I guess?

To make it better, Miranda's wearing a black Cerberus uniform with white accents, and Rasa's got on a white Cerberus uniform with black accents, and when they're lit, you're not going to tell them apart. Also, Rasa is drawn with considerably lighter skin in the comic books because comic books are bad. Overall, it's usually pretty hard to tell who you're even looking at.

It's implied somehow that Kai Leng and Rasa are working on this together, but why? Kai Leng is with The Illusive Man. Is Brother TIM just jacking the clone from himself?!

Also that one little sad LOKI mech wastes, like, everybody.

Rasa eventually chucks Clone Shep in a shuttle and nopes out of ... you know, I'm assuming it's Lazarus Station because Miranda's around, but I don't have hard proof of that.

Shit, we'd better go tell Brother TIM.

... okay, so, hindsight is 20 20 and all, but ...

Is anyone else amazed that he's just all Let It Go on this? Like, he spent money on that clone. Shepard isn't alive yet, she might need those organs. Also, oh, I don't know, A ROGUE AGENT HAS HIS CLONE AND SHIT!?

Cerberus is about the worst terrorist organization ever.