E3: Naked Men

Yo, so probably you figured this out from the title, but today's E3 round up is about as NSFW as MSPaint can get.

I could talk about the pirate game that Rare showed off, and my new best friend who apparently has to repeat everything he says ten times.

Or I could talk about the fact that Ubisoft is a bunch of gloriously crazy French bastards.

But there's another trailer that I think is more important to discuss.

goin there

The following is a true story about my E3 experience.

"HO HUM MPREG FANFIC AT E3 WHATEVER" -- Every Man Ever

Like, what did that concept meeting for that trailer even sound like?

Thankfully, we got to see the Legend of Zelda today! What a great day! Let's see how the game starts.

is this life even real

Like, where's the lie, Link woke up naked. He probably gave birth to his hat and we missed it.

And then a bunch of my asshole friends sent me messages about Overwatch, because again, nude men, nbd.

E3: Your KMom

I could write a witty ass introduction, but I know why you showed up today so let's just get to it.

.... nah, I'll remind you to follow my twitter, @MSPixelBlog for live tweets during E3, and remind you that you'll be getting MORE MSPixel after today's conferences from Microsoft, Sony and Ubisoft. I may do Nintendo if there's enough to make fun of.

NOW let's get to the reason you all showed up here.

You know that quote from Samara? "I am a ruined vessel of sorrow and regret, but I am free?" I think about that quote a lot. I've achieved the first half of it, for sure.

Bioware hasn't done shit for Andromeda. I've drawn more concept art for fucking Andromeda than they have. They've spent the past year with their hands in their pants, knee deep in hentai and ramen, and all they brought to E3 was "see you in the fall tee hee!"

I'm so mad. Steam is shooting out of my asshole right now in this very living moment in history. You can watch the damn trailer, but who the fuck cares, I drew the highlights for you.

See you on Twitter for the other conferences. Me and Paul have some hats to put on.

London: The Gray Parade

... it's different drawing stuff in the present day instead of 200 years in the future.

Speaking of,

This occurred to literally no one else?

And now, it's Bioware Story Time.

So the story goes, Bioware didn't want a final boss for Mass Effect 2, but EA forced the final human/reaper hybrid fight on them. I don't know how much of that story is true beyond "we don't want a final boss, but here it is," but such is the rumor.

For, uh, for better or worse, they got to end Mass Effect 3 their way, meaning Mass Effect 3 doesn't really have a final boss.

It instead has this fight.

Like, whatever, we've fought reapers before, right?

Yeah, but ...

Look, I could sit here and draw reaper forces all day, but I'm not sure I can overemphasize how FUCKING HARD the last push of Mass Effect 3 is. There's just ... there's just so much! And it can all kill you!

I have beaten a lot of games in my life, and Mass Effect 3's ending is probably the hardest, excepting maybe the time Secret of Mana glitched out on me and I had to use a game genie code to get that done.

Oh, and don't fucking expect your squadmates to be useful.

They will spend the fight dead.

Actually, it's one of the things I like about the ending! If you're not going to do a final boss, go big or go home, right?

(Hey, don't forget that E3 is next week. I'll be here, poorly drawing all of your favorite E3 coverage! Bioware, I'd better get my Andromeda trailer this year!)